Enjoying Holland

Sneak Peak

2011-12-03T06:00:00.000-08:00

The invitations have been sent out...

The plans are being made...

Watch out everybody, there's a new Sheriff in town.

Enjoying Holland

2011-11-29T11:55:00.000-08:00

This last week I was expecting cold. With Thanksgiving comes cold. I ran out the door on the morning of the day of thanks with my sweatshirt on and hot chocolate in my hand. I expected to see dew in the grass and feel a chill in the air. I was hoping to put my fuzzy socks to good use but instead I instantly had to rip my clothes off and go drink ice water. Okay maybe it wasn't that bad, but it should have been below 70 degrees. And then I remembered I live in Arizona.

Erik, Jude and I spent the morning laughing and playing until we realized we were running super late. It is ironic that on the days when love, thanks and family are supposed to mean the most, those are the days we argue and get short with each other (doesn't anyone else do that?). We weren't even in the car yet when I was yelling at Erik about how we should have left 20 minutes ago and now we were holding the whole family up and in the spirit of thanks, thanks to him Thanksgiving was practically ruined. Erik is so good to me, he basically just laughs in his mind and pretends he is listening to me when I jump on the crazy train. As the day went on we listened to Christmas music and Erik sang Anthony Green's voice as I sang Mindy White's in "Baby It's Cold Outside". We definitely listened to it 6 times, that song never gets old (especially when you are wishing it will get cold outside).

The day was complete with turkey, pie, and pinata. Random I know but there were many kids there so we all just said "Why not? We have a bounce house, we might as well get a pinata". We played games, and even a friendly game of 10 on 10 volleyball. Erik and I were on the same team and for a while I could not figure out why he kept sending me to go check on Jude or to make sure my phone wasn't ringing. It wasn't until he kicked me to the other team that I realized he thinks I'm terrible at volleyball! The truth is I am royally horrible at volleyball but it was just a fun family game right? I mean, Erik was the only one that could even hit it over the net anyway. {I had to throw this pic in anywhere I could. He won't like it, but I just think he's too cute (handsome? manly? macho?) to pass up.}

It quickly turned in to Grammy vs her children and I don't think we have seen moves like that from her in years! We had the whole family cheering her on.

Can you see how they all stood there in amazement? I don't think they were expecting it either. Daaaaaang.

We finished the weekend decorating our Christmas tree. We had to find a quick hour when Erik wasn't at school, work, studying, or trying to catch up on sleep. That is pretty much impossible for a biology major at ASU who gets up for work at 4:30 am and doesn't go to bed until about 11 pm. But we said we would find the hour and we found it dang it.

Jude could not wait to get his hands on to the string of lights. It was just too shiny to resist and he is just too cute and inquisitive for us to say no.

Of course he thinks he is a big boy now and can take pictures by himself.

He tends to act like I am the boring one and he doesn't even know what smiling is when he's with me...

But is so attentive and intrigued when it's daddy. Daddy can get him to smile any time, any where! He sat there for the longest time just watching Erik string those lights. You would have believed he was watching Baby Einstein or something.

In the end our little Christmas tree turned out just right. Jude's room was the only place it would fit and I don't think we would want it any other way. Last year it hardly felt like Christmas at all so this year we want to get as much Christmas in as we can. Jude has already started to love the holiday from the music to the lights to the good food. (Can you believe he will be turning one in a few weeks???)

I have been enjoying every minute of my Holland. I truly believe this has been the reason why I didn't start school this semester. I wrote a post months and months ago about how I opened my door and let the Holland air in. I'm pretty sure the next day I slammed my door in its face and told it to never come back. I have always accepted Holland, but I needed to appreciate it. As much as I have admired it and loved it, I have always felt like an outcast in it's presence. I knew it thought I didn't belong. I walk clumsily in the wooden shoes, and my tulips seem to die. My windmill doesn't work, and I can't speak the language. But what I have been realizing the last few months is that Holland will never ever not accept me. It is the most accepting of them all! I know I need my Jude Man more than he needs me. I am here to tend to him physically. He is here for me in every other way possible.

So here I am. Today and forever, enjoying Holland.

I just wanted to let you know...

2011-11-28T08:56:00.001-08:00

How happy I am right now.

The Good Things

2011-11-21T07:40:00.000-08:00

I know I know. I have been MIA. But we are just going to skip all of the apologies and get straight to it. I usually just think that I am the only person reading my blog, and occasionally my mom reads it too. But since I'm not that funny, I know she usually skips it. And then I got a message on facebook from a girl I went to high school with. No big deal right? That's what facebook is for. The thing that really got me was that she was a foreign exchange student from Brazil (Hi Juliana!) I pretty much believed she completely forgot who I was. But when I got that message she said she loved reading my blog and was happy to see I am married with a baby. What??? You remember me? Are you sure you are thinking of the right person?

So, here I am. Instead of typing away on my keyboard thinking all of my words are shooting into oblivion, I come here with purpose. The past few weeks have been nothing close to huge events but it has been life and we are enjoying it as much as we can.

Chick or Tweet

This year was Jude's first Halloween so we knew we had to go all out. The holiday was completed with pumpkin carving, carmel apples, and trick or treating. Or should we say, Chick or Tweeting.

As many times as he tried, Jude was not allowed a carving utensil. Instead he enjoyed a nice evening inside his saucer laughing at us as we squirmed while gutting out the pumpkins. (See his shirt?? He picked it out all by himself. Okay not really but I like to put him in it. It makes Erik jealous)

Jude's Halloween costume was the cliche chicken outfit (you can think of your own sarcastic voice for that sentence). We were going back and forth as to what we should dress him in but when I came across this costume for $7, it was clucking at me. I had to have it.

We went to a small Halloween party and Erik and I based our costumes around Jude's. The chicken was just too good to even think of doing anything else. Erik was super crafty and not only thought of the idea for his costume but made the whole thing 100% by himself. He was so proud.

The fam on Halloween. If you say my child looks like a girl I will stick my fist through your computer and quite possibly smack you around for a little bit. Everyone on Halloween said our daughter looked so cute. EVERYONE. And you can tell by this pic that he wasn't too happy about it. As we went trick or treating and approached each house by saying "Chick or Tweet!" we got many looks of "Really? You are those parents??". Yes we are those parents. The parents who take their kids trick or treating and think of fun ways to say trick or treat that coincide with the costume even though their child doesn't have teeth, can't eat the candy, can't talk and say "chick or tweet", and has no idea they are even in a costume. Yes we are those parents. And we enjoyed every second of it.

Sick Boy

A few weeks ago Jude had a bit of a stuffy nose. The weather is changing and he gets a stuffy nose quite a bit so we didn't think much of it. About 11 pm we heard him coughing through the monitor and we could tell he was having a hard time breathing. We brought him into bed with us because we are paranoid and we will also think of any excuse for him to sleep in bed with us. From that point on Erik and I didn't really sleep much the rest of the night. He was running a pretty high temperature and we could tell it took serious effort just for him to breathe. Jude was constantly waking up and it took us forever to get him back down. Erik left for work around 4:30 am and we were going to try to make it until 8 o'clock when the dr's office opened. It was about 5:30 that I decided he had gotten bad enough and I knew I had to take him to the emergency room. He was running a temperature of 102 and it took everything in me not to run around like crazy trying to get out of the house. I was lucky I left with pants and a bra on. As I was trying to sneak out of the house (have I mentioned we live with Erik's parents? I don't think I have...well we do), Erik's dad heard me leaving and said he would come with me.

Thankfully there was no wait at the emergency room so we got right in. Jude sounded like a seal when he coughed and it reminded me of something I would get when I was a child. As we got back into our room I was pacing the room back and forth calling Erik at work every 3 minutes to keep him updated. To add some comic relief to our morning, everyone at the hospital thought that Erik's dad, Mark, was my husband. We let it slide the first few times, but after about the fifth time someone called him "dad" we finally corrected them by saying he wasn't a dirty old perv, and he was almost 30 years old when I was born. I mean he's a wonderful guy but I prefer mine a little younger, you sick-nasty.

After being checked out by the doctor, the physician's assistant, 3 nurses, and about 4 people who said they were just "observing", it was decided he had croup. That explains the seal like bark. They had him breathe from a humidifier for a while and then gave him a breathing treatment.

Baby Einstein was the only way to keep him calm. Desperate times call for desperate measures. (Mark's hand not mine, in case you couldn't tell, duh)

In between the humidifier and his breathing treatment we had to switch rooms. I told them I didn't mind carrying him but they insisted on pushing him on the bed. (All I had was my phone, sorry for the bad pics)

Once we got into our second room Jude needed the breathing treatment. Try strapping a mask onto a 10 month old. Not that easy. It took a lot of twisting and turning and yanking and pulling:

Some toys and Baby Einstein to bribe him into keeping the mask on. Notice how I had to hold his hands so he wouldn't yank it off.

Once he finished the breathing treatment we both fell asleep as soon as we could. He had to stay for a few more hours for observation, so he and I decided to take a little nappy nap. Mark sat there the whole time with me and made sure the humidifier was close to Jude so he could breathe from it while we slept. Like I said, he's a good guy, but I still prefer his son.

Of course once the breathing treatment was over and he woke up from his nap he was back to his happy self. Nothing can hold this baby down (once again sorry for the phone pic).

It lasted about another week and a half. Both Erik and I got sick (Erik even got laryngitis!), along with the rest of our families. No fun!

Exciting Moments

We knew when Jude was born that he was going to have what they call "delays". We like to look at it as more time to spend with him before he realizes we really aren't that cool and he wants to run off and do other things. More time for us to spend with him as a baby. But even though we like to look at it that way, it is really fun when Jude does something new.

Jude's bedroom also serves as a study room for Erik to do his homework. About a week ago Erik was getting his things together to leave for school as I was cleaning Jude's room. During those times I usually put Jude in his crib with some toys, that way he is in there with me without getting in to stuff as I am trying to clean up. Erik and I were just having small talk before he left when we both paused and looked at each other excitedly. Jude had been quiet for a few minutes and as we looked into the crib at him we could tell he was in some deep concentration. He only lays on his stomach in his crib. Occasionally he will roll to his back, and then back to his stomach. He will sit down in there if we put him in there that way, but after a few minutes he falls over and rolls to his stomach and the pattern repeats itself. Stomach, back, stomach, back. This particular time I knew he was on his stomach when Erik and I looked over and found this (once again, phone pic. it all happened so fast I had to grab the picture before he moved):

Um hello, does anyone else see how exciting just that small movement was?!? He was 10 1/2 months when this happened. According to all of the books we read and other statistics that people are constantly shoving in our face this isn't supposed to happen until he is about 16 months. Of course we threw those books and statistics out the window long ago but still, hello! As Erik ran around searching for the camera I snapped a few more on my phone. He went from his knees to his feet as if he had been doing it for months and it was the easiest thing for him.

He only had one little blip where he almost fell over...

But just as easily he quickly picked himself back up.

Tada! Are you enjoying the massive bed head he has? Mornings when he has bed head like this I usually put off combing his hair until I absolutely have to. I just love it too much. I am also diggin on the look he is giving me, "Don't you dare take my picture one more time".

We lowered his mattress that day. He still tries to stand up in his crib but usually fails. Instead he will try and poke his head through the bars as if he is stuck in prison and begging us for our food crumbs.

Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree

This weekend we also went with some friends to cut down our own Christmas tree. We did the same thing last year but it was definitely more fun having him with us this time.

We had been driving around for a while looking for just the right spot to look for a tree to cut down. When we decided to park and start walking around looking for one Jude really needed to be fed. Since it was so windy outside I said I would stay in the car and feed him and I would catch up when he was done. While I was feeding him Jude fell asleep.

So of course, I just stayed in the car and fell asleep with him. I'm really not sure which way this picture was originally taken, but I really didn't feel like taking the time to figure it out.

It was a perfect trip. Mommy and Jude stayed in the car and took a nap while Daddy went and cut down the tree. When Jude woke up and we decided to get out of the car, Daddy came back 30 seconds later with our tree! Jude and I didn't have to do anything at all, now that's what I'm talking about.

We got our own little Charlie Brown tree that fits perfectly in Jude's room.

You will have to stay tuned to see us decorate it!

To end this eternally long post I give you a few more pictures of Jude that are probably my favorite as of this moment. That could easily change tomorrow because lets face it, we pretty much have the cutest baby of all the babies. Please enjoy the feast of Jude!

The day after he came home from the hospital. You would have never known he was sick unless you heard him breathing. He has loved that tambourine since my sister and her "special friend" got it for him as a get well present.

He went through a phase where he would pick up both his arms and legs and try to hold them there as long as possible. I guess he's just trying to get his exercise in.

Love it when he falls asleep with his fingers in his mouth.

I really don't think I can explain what is happening in this picture or what is even going through his mind at this moment...

Life has been good to us and we have just been trying to enjoy the good things. We are both so grateful for everything we have and that we have each other. We hope as the week of thanks approaches, life treats you just as good!

San Diego

2011-11-03T15:59:00.000-07:00

Recently we went to San Diego for Erik's cousin's wedding. After all was said and done I realized I didn't get any pictures of the beautiful bride and her new husband but the wedding was fabulous!

3 years ago when Erik and I first got engaged we went to San Diego for Erik's other cousin's wedding, her older sister. We took a quick picture outside of the temple that turned out to be one of our favorites.

So naturally, we had to get another family pic but with our Jude Man this time!

Jude was pretty much doing all he could to not look at the camera. He often likes to pretend that he can't hear the 10 people around him calling his name, clapping their hands, and making funny noises trying to get him to look. He was way too interested in Erik's wrist to care about anything else.

And to make up for it, I give you this:

Pretty much my favorite picture as of late.

Big Boy

2011-11-01T19:19:00.000-07:00

Jude is 10 1/2 months now. Can you believe it?? It feels like just a month ago I was pushing him out of my woman parts, and in a blink of an eye he is growing into a little boy. Believe it or not he has started crawling! It's more of an army-crawl-scoot, but he's mobile and I'm counting it. He is making such good progress and we are so proud of him! He amazes us by beating the odds every day. Before we know it he's going to be walking and talking, Yikes!

A few weeks ago he had his first legit haircut.

Erik has always attempted cutting it himself, but it has always been a few hairs here and there. I finally talked him into letting me take Jude and have someone who actually knows what they are doing cut it. (what the pony? it was the only small toy we could find to occupy him. yes it belongs to the salon, no it is not his. he has a manly one just like that, a toucan named Sam)

Once the hairs behind his ears were longer than his ears and they started naturally flipping out, he looked more like a little girl with a bob than a studly boy. He kind of had a mullet-like thing going on, which would have been really cool 30 years ago.

He also surprisingly enjoyed getting his haircut. He did so well just sitting in the chair and he hardly moved. Who knows if it was because he is such a good and happy baby, or if he was amused at me dancing around in front of him waving toys in his face (it must have been the pony).

These are my Confessions

2011-09-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

Just when I thought I said all I could say, My chick on the side said she got one on the way (Usher 2004 anyone??) That's not really my confession, I don't have a girl on the side or one on the way. I definitely like men.

So get this, remember how I started the nursing program this semester? Or should I say, I was supposed to start the nursing program? Yeah well that didn't exactly happen. Well don't worry, don't worry, I will be starting in January but let me take you through the series of events that happened. Although it is quite embarassing, its just too good to hold back.

August 16 I went to MCC for my orientation. 6 days left until I started the next 2 years of my life. It was all about getting us excited to spend $1000 on books and letting us know we will need a good chiropractor as our backs will pretty much give out as we lug them around all semester. They were all into "This is going to be the hardest 2 years of your life but you are going to love it! Oh, and not all of you will pass this semester. Hooray for the nursing program!" I walked out of there feeling very overwhelmed and just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out, that way I wouldn't have to go to school. They told us we needed to take a drug test. No biggie. I just pee in a cup that's all, it's not like I do drugs or anything. I did have to pass up a poppyseed muffin though, that was a bummer. They gave us 48 hours to give them our bodily fluids, it was a random drug test. So I go down there, drinking my water ready to leave my pee and get the heck out of there (who wants to sit around and chit chat to the people you just handed your pee to? I sure don't). I go in to take the test, and nothing comes out. Hmm, that's weird. I usually don't have a problem peeing on demand, and sometimes I even pee when I don't mean to (remember when I wet the bed?). So I shrugged my shoulders and the tech told me to sit in the lobby, drink more and let her know when I'm ready to pee.

................

2 hours and 3 urine tests later I walked out of there defeated. No pee. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. I could not pee in that cup to save my life, and they are only allowed to give me 3 tries. I wasn't able to supply the proper amount of urine in the 48 hours given, and when I went back to MCC with my tail between my legs begging them for another chance to take the test., they told me I would have to defer to next semester. Rules are rules. I pretty much just stared at them with my mouth gaping open. Part of me wanted to slap them in the face and fall to the floor screaming "Wwwwhhhhhyyyyyy???", while the other half just wanted to show up to class anyway and see if they would notice. Instead I went home and crawled into my hole I call my bedroom and never came out. Actually I came out about an hour later when I needed to feed Mr. Man, but those are just tiny details.

All in all, it has been a huge blessing. I have loved staying home with Jude these extra months and I will be so ready to start school fresh in January. I have been drinking a ton of water and I'm not going to pee until that drug test. Just kidding, who would really be able to do that? But seriously, the Lord knows what He is doing and even though He works in mysterious ways I am grateful that He has a plan just for me.

So yes, this was my confession. I didn't start school. I know, I'm totally lame.

Walk for Down Syndrome 2011

2011-09-26T19:04:00.000-07:00

The day was a huge success. All of the hard work that Erik and I put into Jude's team paid off. We ended up placing in the top 10 fundraising teams! This was our one day where we could hold Jude up and scream "He's ours!" without annoying the heck out of everyone around us. With our sign held high and "I'm a Jude Lover" shirts all over the crowd, Erik and I took a step back and breathed it all in. These people are here for Jude. They are here because they love him. We couldn't help but cry as we were surrounded by all our family and friends (ok fine, Erik didn't cry. but I definitely did). Although I was puking in the corner all day (no I'm not pregnant, just a bug), we all had such a great time.

Jude had clearly just woken up from a nap and was really confused why we were still there.

Can you please take a second and enjoy the deliciousness that is coming from the bottom of this picture? It was a quick "Hey lets take your picture before you leave and things get crazy, ready set smile!" and amazingly enough that is how Jude's face turned out. And I'm totally diggin on Jude's shirt. (Side story: Our team name was The Jude Lovers, so our shirts said "I'm a Jude Lover". My brother in law actually had someone ask him exactly what a Jude Lover was...yes that really happened)

We had over 50 people come and support Jude, over 60 people purchase t-shirts, and we passed our goal of raising $1,500. We want to give you all a big big THANK YOU to everyone that was so willing to support Jude. Like I said, Erik and I feel so blessed to be surrounded by such amazing people. We know we would not be where we are if it weren't for the wonderful people we know. Jude's success is because so many people love and support him. THANK YOU!!!

T-Shirt Time!

2011-08-28T23:12:00.000-07:00

So we FINALLY have the shirts worked out for our team "THE JUDE LOVERS". They will look a little something like this:

You are probably wondering what took us so long because its a pretty basic shirt. Yeah well we are wondering the same thing. A lot of things also had to be worked out behind the scenes. But we are so excited! So buy it dang it! We are selling them for $10 each and ALL of the proceeds will go towards "THE JUDE LOVERS" team. Please please please let me know if you want one, we need to know by this Thursday, September 1st! Did you hear me? This Thursday!

If you would like to just donate towards Jude's team, you can click on this link and it will take you directly to his team page. Just click the big red button that reads "Donate" and it will walk you through it. We are so close to meeting our goal, just a little more!

***Also, if you would like to come join us for the walk on Saturday, September 10, you have to register! Click on this link to register for Jude's team and click the blue button that says "Register". If you are wanting to purchase a shirt like the one above, DO NOT order a shirt from the website. Those are the basic shirts put out by Sharing Down Syndrome Arizona. Buy ours instead!

We are so excited for the walk coming up and we hope all of you can join us! If you would like to order a shirt for $10 please leave a comment with the shirt size and how many you want. Or you can email me at
ae{dot}payne{at}hotmail{dot}com.. Even if you can't come to the walk we would love it if you bought a shirt!

If you have any questions please let me know!

My Replacement

2011-08-16T09:00:00.000-07:00

I have always prided myself in the fact that Jude loves me most. I let others believe that he loves them more, but really I know that him and I have a special connection. I mean, I'm his mom. I carried him in my womb. I pushed him out for a long and grueling 20 minutes (just kidding. he really wasn't that hard to get out. that was the easiest part of the whole labor-and-delivery experience).

But recently I have noticed a change in his behavior. He has found a new best friend. Someone he thinks is better than me. I didn't think this day would come so soon. But alas, it has. I must get past my hatred for this new best friend and realize it is for the better of my child. Under my breath I curse the name of my replacement, but I know I have to hold my tongue in front of Jude because I do not want to hurt him. Jude's new best friend is named.....Daddy.

*Jude seems to think that Daddy is a better nap partner than I am (We don't take naps as much as it seems. Well of course Jude does. And Erik does sometimes because he leaves for work at 3:30 in the morning). They even sleep the same:

Jude likes watching movies with Daddy more than me. I think he has realized that no matter the chick flick, they are always going to end up together.

Jude even enjoys watching fireworks more with Daddy than he would with me.

Sigh. I may have to pull out the big guns to get my Jude Man back. Erik may have won this battle, but he will not win this war.

Jude is a Funny Guy

2011-08-15T09:00:00.001-07:00

As of late, Jude has been really funny. And really happy. Well he's always been happy, except when he's hungry, tired, or my dad talks to loud. That scares the bajeebies out of him. Otherwise he is pretty much the happiest kid on the planet.

A few weeks ago Erik's parents bought Jude Man an excersaucer, and it is pretty much the best thing that has ever happened to him. He spins around and around in it, putting his mouth on everything and pressing every button all at once. He is so happy when he is in that thing, it's as if Christmas is every day.

He gets so giddy every time he goes in there and he usually doesn't want to come out.

Jude had a wild night the night before, and he looks as if I just walked in on him with his pants down.

He has also learned how to blow raspberries, and now he is in the process of one:
(I'm so diggin' the bed head look)

And most of all, he has the most infectious laugh and smile

***Don't forget to go here to register and donate for THE JUDE LOVERS team!***

Go D-Backs!

2011-08-14T09:00:00.000-07:00

Friday night Erik, Jude and I went to the Diamondbacks game with my family. My dad's company had a work party there so all of his employees were there too. It was a lot of fun!

Of course, we had to stop by Carolina's before the game to get the best tortillas in town.

(Sorry about the chewing face honey)

Of course you have to have a family photo. By that time Jude was fed up with all the Mets fans and didn't want to look at the camera.

Surprisingly enough he really enjoyed the fireworks. We thought he would have cried through them, he is so sensitive to loud noises but he was so enthralled.

We beat the Mets 4-2 and we are still in first place! Go Diamondbacks!

Peek-A-Boo

2011-08-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

Jude hasn't exactly caught on to the concept of peek-a-boo yet. But a few weeks ago when I went to get him out of bed in the morning, I felt like he was doing his own version of it when I found this:

At first I didn't see his hair so I was really confused. I knew I heard him in there and I knew no one else would be in there to get him up, and then I noticed the blanket move and saw this:

How he was able to manage to get the blanket on top of him I have no idea. It's just like the time I put him on a blanket on the living room floor, ran downstairs for a minute, came back up and he was gone. Literally gone. Nowhere to be found. Out of sight. I panicked for a moment and it wasn't until I heard a noise under the couch that I realized he has almost mastered the art of scooting backwards instead of forwards. He went so fast he scooted himself under the couch, and was nice and cozy. He is definitely going to give me a run for my money.

Listen up Ya'll

2011-08-13T00:22:00.000-07:00

(Ya'll? I don't know where that came from. I guess I'm digging down to my Texas roots. Or maybe it was Alabama?)

The time has come and we are so excited for it! We have been preparing for a while now, and I am ready to extend the invitation for all of you to join us. To what you may ask?....

To the Walk for Down Syndrome! Yay!
Saturday September 10
Tempe Diablo Stadium (2200 West Alameda Dr Tempe AZ 85282)

It is basically going to be just about the coolest thing you will do all of September. I'm serious. Registration along with a continental breakfast starts at 7:30 am (Yikes!), but guess what? If you register online for our team you won't have to be there until the walk starts at 9:30! Woohoo! I have made this really easy for you so there is no reason at all why you shouldn't join our team! Follow these easy steps:

1. Go here.

2. Fill in your information and click "I'm registering with an existing team"

3. Click on our team name which is..."THE JUDE LOVERS"!!!!!! (We tossed and turned for a while about a team name and we finally found this one. We figured everyone who knows Jude loves him and we are all there to support him, thus The Jude Lovers was born.)

4. The End.

If that wasn't as easy as pie then there are some more serious issues we have to deal with. While you're floating around on the website, if you would like to donate (hint hint) please click on the big red button that reads "Donate". It should be really easy to find, and it is really fast and easy to donate online.

We are also making shirts that will have our team name on it. We will be charging a small fee and all of the proceeds will go to Sharing Down Syndrome Arizona. We still don't know how much we are going to charge (still working out the details) but if you would like a shirt please email me at ae{dot}payne{at}hotmail{dot}com. I will let you know the price as soon as we do!

Even if you guys can not make it, we would still appreciate donations. You can donate directly to The Jude Lovers team by clicking here.

This truly means so much to Erik and I. This year has been a whirlwind of emotions for the both of us and we finally feel like our feet are back on the ground. We want to thank all of you out there who have supported us through all of this and most importantly supported Jude. We will forever be grateful for the love he has received by family and friends.

If you have any questions please feel free to contact me. Thank you!

And of course, I can't end without a picture:

I love my Jude Man.

2011-07-26T11:55:00.000-07:00

I can remember the day Jude was born so vividly. I remember feeling so relieved when my doctor walked in. Even though she is on the shorter side I was still able to keep eye contact with her through the valley that was created as my legs were in the stirups. Her smile brought such comfort as I pushed and pushed waiting for the arrival of My Babe. I remember distinctly Erik getting so excited as his head was coming out, with tears in his eyes telling me he had a lot of hair. The nurse counting right in my ear 1...2...3...4...she was so calm and consistent it brought me peace. I remember hearing noise, lots of noise. People crying, taking photos, giving me hugs and congratulations...but all I could hear was my baby boy crying as Erik was cutting the umbilical cord. And then they put him on my lap and everything went silent. The room turned white and it was Jude and I. I could feel it in that moment that the Earth moved. Angels were among us, and Jude looked at me as if to say "It's okay mommy, I brought them here to help you. To be with you and daddy". It was such a spiritual experience and everyone in the room knew that the world was never going to be the same.

I knew in that moment that he was going to change the world. You're probably wondering why I am bringing this up now. I'm not sure myself, but I don't think I did his birth story justice. I was an emotional wreck, it was the week of Christmas and I wanted to let everyone know he was here. But I have been thinking back a lot on that day, and it was so much more special than I remember sometimes. Even after they took us to our next room, and we knew something was different about him I held him in my arms as if he was everything normal. And to be honest, he is everything normal. He has a different genetic make up than you and I, but I would say he is more normal and will turn out more normal that a lot of people. Who are we to say that he won't? Some may think I am biased and I probably am. But every morning when I hear those soft coos through the monitor I can't wait to get in there to see the first smiles of the day, knowing they are at me. I pick him up and he laughs and I think to myself, "My son is special. My son is amazing". And every time I do that, the Earth moves again. Sometimes a small shudder, and sometimes earthquake potential. He may not change the entire world, but every day my world is changed just by the love he shares.

(Picture taken after we got home from our trip to California. 10 points to whoever can guess what movie we were watching)

Every day I get to see his smile, hear his laughs, feel his kisses. I get to sooth his cries, sing him to sleep, and continue loving him with everything my heart has. He takes away my depression, calms my anxieties, and fills me with a greater peace than anyone I know. My life may be the only one that is changed as of now, but I know it won't be the last life he will change.

So as I go through my hard times, my trials, and my stresses of inadequacy and being a first time mom, I cling to my own little bundle knowing that he brings angels into my life every day. He knows me so well and he knows what I need. (It's amazing as I talk about how much joy my son brings me, I am describing many qualities of the Savior. You can truly see the Savior's countenance through Jude).

As I write this I make a goal to look back on that beautiful day more often. It was one of the happiest days of my life and I know that Jude will bring much more happiness in the years to come.

So I raise my glass and say "Cheers", hoping that others will see the beauty that I see in him every day.

P.S. My favorite picture this week:

Lazy Suck

2011-07-17T22:01:00.000-07:00

I am a lazy suck. Seriously, a lazy suck. Erik came up with that phrase when he once saw a man on the side of the road sitting in a wagon being pulled by his dogs. Aka, a lazy suck. I feel so bad for not blogging and I often thought to myself "I should totally blog about this". But as you can see that didn't exactly happen. Well my friends, today is your lucky day. I have a good post planned out for you, nice and long.

Some of our favorite things to do this summer are:

*Eat! Jude started eating baby food recently, and he LOVES it! He eats it like there is no tomorrow.

As much as I try to keep him clean, he is pretty good at getting it everywhere. It's gotten down to stripping him down to his diaper and letting him be free! (That was the first time I fed him, he looks a little more excited about the food when I feed him now)

*Swimming. Jude is indifferent towards the water, he doesn't really seem to see what the big deal is. Once he gets used to it he turns into the monkey with the symbols and can't stop clapping.

*Folding laundry. Random I know, but he loves it. We zoom him around the house all the time as he rolls around in the basket.

*Watching movies. Baby Einstein is the best thing that every happened to him. He has sat there for over an hour watching the same one over and over and he never gets tired of it. He knows exactly the parts that make him laugh, and he knows when the boring parts are. But everytime we put it on he is so enthralled and acts like he has never seen it before.

(Dinner and a movie?)

This is how we watch movies the Payne way. No we do not sleep on a mattress in our living room. We drug our mattress out from our bedroom and watched the movie on that. Why not be comfy?

Jude fell asleep about 10 minutes into the movie. Erik and I feel asleep about an hour later, and the 3 of us slept the whole night on our mattress in our living room. It was actually one of the best nights all summer.

Erik and I also went with some friends to California last weekend. We wanted one last hoorah together before school starts and things get busy. It was the first time we have left Jude for longer than a few hours. He stayed at my parents house and it was honestly one of the hardest things. I definitely cried when we dropped him off, and I didn't stop thinking about him the whole time. But we had a great time and it was good for us to leave Jude for a period of time.

It started out as a great weekend, and just 2 hours into the drive we came across not 1, but 2 flat tires.

We were on the side of the highway for about an hour trying to figure out what to do because we obviously only had one spare. We then drove 20 miles at about 50 mph on one of the tires that was going flat until we made it into Quartzite.

After another hour and paying an arm and a leg later we were on the road again!

Every morning we got breakfast at the best little cafe ever. Seaside Bakery has the most amazing chocolate croissants on the planet. I think we could have eaten only there and been fine.

Erik loves loves loves the beach. He would probably sleep right there on the sand every night if we lived in California. He can never get enough of it and he's like a little school boy everytime we go.

We love to ride bikes everytime we are in Newport Beach. Something about the endless ocean on one side of you and feeling the sea breeze for miles. With music in your basket and friends at your side there is nothing that can go wrong.

Taking the ferry to Balboa Island. Just a few minutes long but totally worth it.

You're probably wondering who the 5th wheel is in every picture. We had planned the trip with 3 couples, but a few months ago we found out that Jesse's wife is pregnant (YAY!). She really wanted to go, but she was just too sick to make the trip. Jesse decided to go without her anyway, and I think she was a bit excited to get him out of the house (we missed you Michelle!). In the end he wasn't a 5th wheel at all. We all had a great time.

Kenzie and I eating our Balboa bars. Gotta get one!

While on our bikeride we came across two gems that were just absolutely amazing. The first not as much as the second, but still worth putting on the blog. No, me with my thumbs up is not the amazing part. Check out Granny in the back. She was this close to falling out.

**********PARENTAL ADVISORY****************
(The next image is not suitable for children)

And then the beauty came. We were just minding our own business on our bikes, and along he came. Our lives were never the same.

Did your eyes just pop out of your head? Because ours did.

Huntington Beach

Beautiful sunset. We can never get enough of it.

Even after we blew the third tire, we still had a great time. In the end it was great to get away for the weekend and spend time together.

Recent

2011-06-11T14:05:00.000-07:00

As I sit down to write this post, I realize I have been avoiding my computer the last month and a half. Let me explain, I start the nursing program this August, and I am terrified to say the least. I will be gone from Jude all day long, and that brings me great anxiety just thinking about it. I have the next 2 months to spend all day every day with him, and I have been extremely lazy and loving it. The reason why I have been avoiding my computer, is because I don't want to share him with anyone else. I want him all to myself. I want to be the only one who loves and hugs and kisses him.

But I can't do it any longer. I want to show him to all, like Rafiki showed Simba to all of the animal kingdom. So here I am singing "Nants ingonyama bagithi Baba" (who knew those were the actual

words to that song? I always thought it was something more like "Hoss sibanya, odo bee sitsee bo". At least that's what I always sang).

To start off, I have good news....Jude rolled over by himself! One minute he was on his back and the

next minute he was on his stomach. Erik and I didn't even see it happen. The average child with

Down Syndrome rolls by themself at around 7 months, and Jude rolled right after he turned 5 months. Woohoo! His therapist even said he won't be rolling for a while and he is more likely to sit by himself before he rolls. When he was on the ground he never showed any interest in rolling, but we are so

proud of him, and he is on his way to crawling soon!

The rest of our time has looked a lot like this:

Spent a few days in Newport Beach. Erik's dad had to go for business so we thought we would tag a

long.

A lot of sleepy time:

(why does my foot look so abnormally large??)

Every morning as Erik leaves for work at 3:30 a.m. he goes into Jude's room to check on him. The

other morning he found this:

At first he was freaked out, and then he realized that Jude had rolled onto his stomach while sleeping and somehow shoved his arm down the mattress. He looked so comfortable we had to take a picture.

And last but not least, plenty of smiles:

And my favorite:

How could I not want to share this?

Happiness is...

2011-04-30T10:00:00.000-07:00

This boy.

I may be posting about him a lot lately, but he brings so much happiness it's hard not to share it.

Nap Time Part 2

2011-04-29T10:00:00.000-07:00

Have I mentioned how much I LOVE taking naps with my Jude Man?

L.O.V.E.

2011-04-28T21:00:00.000-07:00

Do I even need to use words?

(Jude in his blessing outfit)

Happy Easter

2011-04-28T16:01:00.000-07:00

....

Hello? Hello? Is anybody out there? Can anybody hear me? Well I guess no one can actually hear me, but you know what I mean. I know it has been a looooong time since I blogged, and I have no excuse. I just felt like taking a blogging hiatus and didn't want to tell anyone.

This Easter was especially fun for us because it was our first year at the Easter egg hunt for Down Syndrome kids. It was so great to see all of the amazing other children there and to meet a lot of the other parents.

Jude was pretty chill all day, the Easter Bunny doesn't quite scare him yet.

He couldn't exactly pick up any of the eggs yet, but we still hunted!

Clearly we were boring him because he fell asleep halfway through.

We are so excited for the many years to come with our little family!

Hope you all had a Happy Easter!

3.21

2011-03-21T22:22:00.000-07:00

I started my day at 6:00 this morning. I woke up and could tell it was raining outside, and then I realized what it was that had woken me in the first place. I heard a soft cooing coming from the side of my bed and my first thought was "Please go back to sleep. Just roll over and go back to sleep". After a few minutes I knew that wasn't going to happen, so I turned on the light and was greeted by the biggest smiles I have ever seen. And I was reminded why I get up in the morning.

Today was Jude's Day. Every day in my life is Jude's day, but today the world recognized it too. It was World Down Syndrome Day, and I was proud to celebrate. I may talk about it too much to some, and not enough to others. It helps me get a grip on things to express how I feel, but it does not define who he is. My Jude Man is defined by the warm smiles he'll give to strangers that hold him, but especially to his mommy and daddy. He's defined by the hair that stands straight off his head, that won't go down even when wet, and curls in the back making him look like he's from whoville in The Grinch. He's defined by the noises and faces he makes, by the fact that he'll fall asleep the moment he's in his car seat. His smokey blue eyes that I get lost in every day, wondering how he got them from a green eyed dad and brown eyed mom. The soft giggles he makes when you tickle him under his chin. That, is what defines him.

Today was a day that I wanted to make the world aware. Instead I held him in my arms all day, cuddled and snuggled. Kissed and loved. I know HE is already making so much more of a difference than I ever could. And I know I have time.

So for now I say goodnight, I am going to cuddle between my two best men. My world has been changed because of this little man, and I hope you will all open your heart to let yours be changed too.

(I promise he smiles a lot more than what pictures show. It's amazing that we still haven't been able to capture it in a picture, he's a bit camera shy. We'll get it someday.)

Sour Face

2011-03-18T21:30:00.000-07:00

Erik thought it would be funny to give Jude Man some lemon juice, and this was the result:

So sad yet so funny.

Blessing Day

2011-03-18T17:59:00.000-07:00

A few Sundays ago Erik and I blessed our Jude Man. Well, Erik did more of the blessing (which was beautiful) while I did all of the loving and smooching.

Jude Man looked so handsome in his outfit, everyone just ate him up:

He was so exhausted from being passed around he finally zonked in my arms for hours.

I love this little boy more than anything in the world. He melts my heart every day and I am so happy that he is all mine. He makes me strive to be a better person. How can you not love him?

(Please enjoy the bow tie)

Thank you to everyone who came and supported our family on our special day! We really appreciate it and we feel so loved!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

2011-03-17T17:29:00.000-07:00

Sleepy

2011-03-05T16:50:00.000-08:00

I don't have much to say today, except that this picture makes me really happy:

Big Bear

2011-03-02T13:15:00.000-08:00

A few weekends ago we went with my family to a cabin in Big Bear, California. It was Jude's first snow trip! He didn't see too much of the snow himself, but we had a great time.

It snowed so much while we were there, it was crazy! I have never seen snow fall before. We almost got snowed in one day.

We had to shovel out the driveway anytime we wanted to go anywhere.

Erik and my dad made a snow man together one day, but we forgot to get a picture of it so we had to go back the next day after it snowed again.

We wanted to go sledding so bad, so we all bundled up and jumped in the car looking for a good hill. We drove around forever but all the good hills were covered with "no trespassing" signs. After about an hour we found a hill in some random person's front yard that didn't have a sign, so we we decided to see how many times we could go down the hill until someone came outside to tell us to get off their lawn.

(I don't handle the big hills like Erik does)

We also celebrated this guy's 2 month birthday!

Erik (that's right, Erik) made him this fabulous birthday cake, complete with 2 candles (not for 2 years, but 2 months of course!)

He started smiling at us for the first time while in Big Bear. Yes he would smile at us before, if he just farted or if he was sleeping. Now he will make eye contact with you and smile while you talk to him. He is super ticklish around the mouth and under his chin. His favorite time to smile is right at bedtime. He probably knows that if he just gives me a smile then he gets to stay up because I will want to keep playing with him.

It is crazy that he is already 2 months. He can definitely focus on Erik and I now, and he'll follow us around the room with his eyes anytime we put him down. He is even starting to focus in on other people. He is getting so big, he weighed 10 pounds 12 ounces, 23 inches long at his 2 month appointment. He is getting so spoiled, he hates to be put down. Not only does he have mommy hooked, but he has daddy wrapped so tight around his little finger. We love our Jude Man!

Valentine's Day

2011-03-02T12:39:00.000-08:00

I know this is totally late because Valentine's Day was a few weeks ago, but Erik got me this wonderful necklace for V-day this year. He actually bought me the "erik and amber" part for Valentine's Day last year, this year he added the Jude charm. I'm in love.

15 Things

2011-03-01T21:23:00.000-08:00

I was recently tagged by my wonderful friend Janell (Read her blog here. She lives in New York and she's amazing). I am supposed to tell you 15 things about myself that you probably didn't know before. Here it goes:

(this actually took me a long time to try and figure out 15 different things about myself!)

1) The movie "Mamma Mia" is what made me decide to marry Erik. We only dated for 2 months before we got engaged. That was the same 2 months right after I graduated from high school. I knew I wanted to marry him, I just wasn't sure if I wanted to right then. I had a freak moment where one day I told him I needed space to think things over. Little did I know he had already asked my dad's permission and had the ring in his pocket. My mom and sister took me out for a girls night which included ice cream, pedicures, and Mamma Mia. My life was changed. After seeing that movie I knew I didn't want to end up like Meryl Streep's character, 20 years later and still in love with the same man. We got engaged the next day. To this day it is still my #1 favorite movie.

2) I am deathly afraid of heights. My legs buckle when I'm anywhere high and I think I'm going crashing to the floor. I usually get dizzy and sometimes I'm close to passing out. The first and only time I went on the ferris wheel at California Adventure I remember hitting the floor while hyperventilating and my dad had to pick me up and hold me in his arms the rest of the ride while I sobbed in his arms. I was 15 years old.

3) I am a closet "Lord of the Rings" fan. Okay, not really much of a closet lover, it's pretty out in the open. I have the extended edition of all 3 movies and I watch them back to back probably once a month.

4) I pick the meat out of my spaghetti. I only like meat in certain circumstances: cheesburgers,...and that's about it.

5) I'm a little OCD about turning in circles. I feel too wound up and I have to turn back the other way. It's weird.

6) I once had braces.

7) I hate pumping gas. Hate it. Among some other things I hate: shaving my legs, blow drying my hair, doing the dishes, washing my car, and I could keep going. But I know this isn't "15 things Amber hates doing".

8) I love to read. I would read all day long if I could.

9) I will ALWAYS crawl in to my car through my passenger door if I parked next to a van. I have heard too many horror stories about people getting kidnapped that way and I am super paranoid that it is going to happen to me.

10) I used to play the piano. I wish I still did. I got too busy in junior high and had to give something up and that is what I chose. Sometimes I'll sit down and plunk out a few notes just to remember the good ol' days, but then it just gets depressing. Someday I'll play again.

11) I have a weird memory. I can remember what people were wearing, where we were, what the weather was like, if there was music on in the background and other random things about certain occasions in my life.

12) My first "boyfriend" was Blake Chiles in the 7th grade and we went out for 2 whole weeks.

13) I love anything pasta. Well maybe not anything, but mostly everything. My favorite is either raviolli or tortellini. Either way they are both stuffed with cheese which I love.

14) I have a tv in my living room, but we don't have cable and we don't watch movies on it. It's mainly there as a prop.

15) I used to get strep throat about 4-5 times a year, but I never had my tonsils removed.

Tulips

2011-02-14T20:02:00.000-08:00

This weekend I took a new approach to my attitude, a new strategy. I decided that the change starts with me, and that it was about time it began. I welcomed Holland into my heart with songs and joy. I opened my windows and doors, and let the Dutch air fill my home.

My dad has a serious green thumb. He can basically make anything grow. I have always loved the garden of flowers he has provided in our home over the years, and I figured that was exactly what my home was needing. I went to the store and was a little too giddy as I picked out a wonderful selection of tulips. Holland is covered with tulips, and Holland is where I must be.

I put Jude Man on a blanket and let him enjoy the fresh air. He seemed to really be enjoying himself, he even told me he wanted a pair of those wooden shoes. (Sorry, once again I was unable to switch the picture)

I was very happy with my finished product, I think Holland would be proud.

While Erik was taking a nap on Saturday afternoon, I decided to go for a drive with Jude Man and somehow we ended up at Fountain Hills.

Him and I sat on a blanket for a while and he slept while I read a book. It was extremely peaceful and it was hard for me to believe I was ever unhappy with my Holland. An old couple came by and gave me about half a loaf of bread, and I fed the ducks and pretended Jude Man was laughing at me.

I promise he had a lot more fun than what this picture lets on, he is just a man of many faces.

Things are still hard, nothing is perfect. But with the help of Erik and the Jude Man I am getting better, and falling in love with this face:

Tummy Time

2011-02-12T10:30:00.000-08:00

Erik and I have been working really hard on tummy time with our Jude Man. Jude has taken that 2 out of 7 that they rated him as a blow to his ego, so he has been throwing it back in their faces ever since.

Update: Holland is looking more and more beautiful once I was able to say the words out loud :).

Nap Time

2011-02-11T08:04:00.000-08:00

Oh how I love nap time with my Jude Man

P.S. Thank you so much for all of the love and support you guys have shown me through all of your comments. They mean a lot to me, truly they do.

The Truth

2011-02-10T14:55:00.000-08:00

I know it has been a while since I have blogged and I'm sorry about that. I'm just going to throw it out there and be completely honest, things have been hard for me lately. You see, when Jude Man was born there was so much commotion happening. We had so many doctors and specialists coming to see him in the first 24 hours it was overwhelming. So many different phrases thrown our way, Down syndrome, trisomy 21, nondisjunction, translocation, mosaicism, blah blah blah. Soon it felt like all I was hearing was the teacher's voice from Charlie Brown. "Wah wah wah wah wah". My head felt like it was going to explode.

I promised myself that when we brought him home I would treat him just like any other newborn, because that is exactly what he is. I took every pamphlet, book, business card, and brochure and tucked them away. I locked them up and didn't look at them for awhile. They have been hidden safely in the bottom desk drawer and I have pretended they do not exist. I wanted to enjoy the first few weeks with him and not have to worry about anything regarding his Down syndrome.

Now it seems like it has been long enough, and I feel like I can hear those books and pamphlets whispering to me from across the room. His therapies will be starting soon, and I feel like now is the time that I should start thinking about his Down syndrome. Not just thinking about it, but acting upon it. There is no hiding it, my son has it. Don't get me wrong, in no way would I want to hide his Down syndrome. There is a joke in my family, "well Jude has Down syndrome", as if that is the answer to everything and it will trump anything you have to say. In the end Erik and I feel extremely blessed to be his parents.

But to be honest again, I'm scared. I have no idea what I'm doing. I know the Lord doesn't expect me to know what I'm doing from the beginning, who would? I feel like I have the same conversation with Him every night when I hit my knees. I ask him, "What on earth were you thinking? What makes you think I am capable of handling this? Why me?". And I've said it before, I don't ask him that wondering why I got this child. I look at my perfect baby boy, and wonder why in the world the Lord would put me as his mother. I in no way, shape, or form can live up to everything this little boy has to offer and will accomplish in his life.

Mother Theresa once said "I know the Lord won't give me more than I can handle, I just wish he didn't trust me so much". And I feel exactly that right now. I don't know what I did in my life to prove myself of this. I feel so blessed, so honored to raise such an elect spirit. But I'm terrified. I'm terrified I'm not going to know enough, and that will affect the way he progresses. I'm terrified of all the things he is going to have to face when he gets older.

Among all of the many papers and fliers they gave us at the hospital, one really stuck in my mind and I think of it everyday. It is called "Welcome to Holland", by Emily Perl Kingsley:

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy." But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met. It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

I would have paraphrased, but I don't think I could have done it justice. So yes, I am scared. Yes, I am terrified. But I am working on getting used to Holland. Jude has given me every kind of joy that I think I am capable of feeling. I just hope I can bring him the same kind of joy he brings me.

6 weeks

2011-01-30T17:19:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe my baby boy is 6 weeks already! Where has the time gone?? He is getting so big I can't believe it. At his one month doctor's appointment he weighed 8 pounds 3 ounces, meaning he gained over an ounce a day in two weeks. He is finally getting a few rolls on his thighs, and he has a spare tire around his stomach. He had his evalution with a physical therapist and developmental specialist on Friday. They said most newborns rate around a 7 right now, and Jude was rating about a 2. It made me a little sad, but she said he was doing great for his diagnosis and he shows great promise. He starts meeting with his own physical therapist and developmental specialist every other week begining in about two weeks, and I know he is going to really start improving. He has started lifting his head a little during tummy time already and we are so proud of him!

Just because I love him so much and I think he is just about the cutest boy I have ever seen in my life, cue roll of pictures:

(Have you noticed a common theme in the schocked look he always has on his face)

Happy Birthday Ruby

2011-01-30T16:56:00.000-08:00

This last week was my niece Ruby's 1st Birthday. It feels like just yesterday she was born, I can't believe she's already one! To start off the celebration, Jude made a shirt for his cousin Ruby to show how much he loves her:

He looked adorable to say the least.

My sister Erica put together an amazing birthday celebration with a circus theme. It was so much fun and Ruby definitely enjoyed herself. The birthday girl:

The party was complete with many games and many different "tosses":

Ball Toss

Ring Toss

Bean Bag Toss

Also complete with facepainting

And a lot of cake eating

In the end it was a great day, and I think we weren't the only ones who enjoyed ourselves. I think it's pretty obvious Jude partied a little too hard.

Happy Birthday Ruby!

Love Love Love

2011-01-25T20:23:00.000-08:00

As a present for my baby shower, a good friend of ours took pictures of our family for free! It was so great and we are so grateful. Thank you so much Jessica!

And my personal favorite:

Dreams

2011-01-17T13:35:00.000-08:00

Because Jude was in the NICU for his eating problems, I have to feed him every 3 hours whether he let's me know he's hungry or not. That includes setting my alarm in the middle of the night for every 3 hours to wake him up. I have been doing this for the last month and to say the least it has been exhausting. I have not had more than 3 consecutive hours of sleep at a time. It may not seem that bad, and it really isn't, but it has begun to wear on me. Because he has been gaining weight and getting stronger I have decided to move to a feed-on-demand approach. I was quite excited last night when I didn't set my usual 3 alarms to wake up during the course of the night. I was then equally disappointed when my body naturally woke me up 3 hours later, as if it knew I was on a schedule. This is where it gets weird.

I have never been much of a sleep walker/talker, that was always my sister Aubrey. We shared a room together growing up and I had to stop her from doing things she might later regret, and convince her of many other things like: no the ceiling fan is not a helicopter and, if you jump off the top bunk of our bunk bed you will inded fall to the ground instead of flying off into the unknown. Since I was pregnant I have found myself having some pretty strange dreams which sometimes result in me acting them out or reliving them in some sort of way (remember that time I wet the bed? Because I sure do).

Last night I fed My Man and put him to sleep. I was excited to see if it would be a night where he would be waking me up every few hours, or if I might get some sleep. 3 hours later my body naturally woke me up out of habit. I can remember waking up and thinking I had something extremely important to do. I grabbed Jude out if his bassinet and it wasn't until I had him laying on my bed, naked, and trying to put his arms through the leg holes of his jammies and his feet through the arm holes that I completely woke up and realized that, no Dwight Schrute from The Office did not come to my house to convince me that if I put his jammies on backwards then it would increase brain development. Somehow I had dreamt that and definitely felt the need to try it out. Lets just say the next few hours consisted of me trying to get a very ticked off baby back to sleep.

We'll try again tomorrow night.

Jammies Day

2011-01-12T23:30:00.000-08:00

(Jude in his jammies, sorry for the iphone pic)

Today I had a plan. I had a to-do list of everything I needed/wanted to get done. It consisted of:

1) doing the many loads of laundry I have neglected over the past week

2) doing the dishes

3) sweeping, mopping, vacuuming

4) cleaning the bathroom (including the shower)

5) putting all of the straggling Christmas decorations away that didn't seem to make it into the box the first time

6) and a lot more

I had planned on waking up early, showering, and having a good breakfast ready for Erik when he got home from work at around 10 am. Instead, I was woken up by Erik at noon asking if I wanted some lunch, or if I wanted to keep sleeping. I was extremely confused. I remember waking up every few hours to change Jude Man, feed him and rock him back to sleep. But I don't remember the time going by so fast. I have only been getting about 3 or 4 hours of sleep a night for the past few nights and I knew I was exhausted, but I didn't think it was that bad.

Fast forward....when I got out of bed at 3:30 to finally take a shower and actually get dressed I was extremely disappointed about how my day went. I didn't get anything on my to-do list done. I started thinking back over my day, trying to justify how it wasn't a complete waste.

1) Jude Man and I watched Music and Lyrics intermittently from 1:30 am to 7 am. It takes him a little bit longer than normal to eat and get completely full. I'm up about every hour and a half from the end of one feeding to the beginning of the next trying to feed him, and it takes him at least an hour to eat. He is still trying to master the "suck, swallow, breath" part of eating, and right now we are still on "suck swallow breath, suck swallow choke". With his low muscle tone he gets tired more easily so I have to stop a few times throughout feeding him and let him take a break. I put a movie on to help keep me awake in the middle of the night. Between Jude's soft cooing, and the warmth of his body as he snuggles next to me in his jammies, its extremely hard to stay alert. I love watching movies with Jude. He doesn't roll his eyes and laugh at the cheesy parts of chick flicks like daddy does. He'll watch just about anything that I want to watch.

2) I was able to snuggle with him all day long. And I do mean aaaall daaaay looong, literally. It is so hard for me to put him down because all I really want to do is hold him and kiss him all over. He and I were having a staring contest today during the 30 minutes he was actually awake. He even gave me a little smile, and it was nice because it wasn't a "you just changed my diaper and I just pooped again" smile, or a "I am farting and there is nothing you can do to stop me" smile. It was an "I like the way you sing mommy" smile.

3) Erik brought me ice cream in bed and we ate it straight out of the carton, still in our jammies. I think that is enough said.

4) Jude Man finally mastered holding a pacifier in his mouth on his own. I was so proud of him, no more holding it in his mouth while he sleeps in the middle of the night. I know this is just one step closer to getting his sucking skills down, way to go Jude Man!

5) We made it to the in-laws house for dinner by 5, and had a great time. They held Jude and loved on him all night long.

6) I read a lot from THIS BLOG and my heart strings have been pulled. I heard about this blog about 2 weeks after Jude was born and I have not been able to stop reading it. The mother of this beautiful little girl has been so inspiring and it has been so great to read the words of another mother that is raising a special one. I wish that when my words are spilled on to the page that they would make as great a difference as hers do. I have never been the writer in the family and sometimes (most of the time) I have a hard time expressing how I'm feeling. But I read her blog and can not help but be moved.

So today the dishes didn't get done, and I'm pretty sure we have no clean towels in the house. There are dirty bottles everywhere and a bag filled entirely of Jude's diapers sitting by the front door waiting to be thrown away. Instead I loved and held and snuggled with the two most important people in my life. I tried to make Jude feel important. I tried to tell him how much he will change other people's lives, and how much he has already changed mine. I told him how much I loved him. I tried to tell him how I felt inspired and I wish I could take what I felt and help inspire other people.

And as I held him in my arms and danced around my bedroom while singing "Hey Jude", he gave me a smile that not only said "I like the way you sing mommy", but "I love you, and always will".

Today was a good day.

Newborn Pictures

2011-01-10T13:06:00.000-08:00

This year as a Christmas present to Erik and I, my sister paid for the wonderful Lang Photographers to come into our home and take pictures of Jude Man. Stacie and Geoff were the photographers who took our maternity pictures, and I was more than excited to say the least. We had such a fun time, and Mr. Man was wide awake and alert for most of the time. He usually doesn't like to be in just a diaper, so I had a bottle ready and made, his pacifier, and an outfit ready to put on him just in case he just wasn't having it. But when they starting taking his picture he turned on his camera face and did so good! Thank you so much Erica, Stacie and Geoff!

Jude has been so great. I have absolutely loved every part of being a mom. Maybe not the, wake up every two hours in the middle of the night to feed you part, but that just gives me extra time to love and smooch on him. Him having Down syndrome hasn't put a damper on him being here at all. If anything, we love it even more. It could just be because I am his mom and I look past it, but I don't see much of the Down syndrome in him at all. We had the owner of Sharing Down Syndrome Arizona at our house this past week, and she put it into perfect words exactly how I was feeling. When he was born and they told us he had Down syndrome, and even to this day, my thoughts have been "Why me?". But I don't say that in a way of "Why did I have to get this child?" I say that meaning "Why did this child have to get me?". I must say I have never felt a greater sense of inadequacy in my life before. Of course I have all of the normal doubts and fears with having a child, especially him being our first. It is such a great comfort to know that I don't have to worry about where he ends up after this life. I know that usually it is the parents responsibility to try and get their children back to Heavenly Father, but in our case Jude will be doing all he can to get Erik and I back. I could not feel more blessed after this thought. I know we will have a rough life ahead of us, but I just look at my Jude Man and could not be more excited. I know I have been rambling, so I will end this post with one more adorable picture of Jude!

All Things Jude

2011-01-04T10:33:00.000-08:00

You may get tired of me only posting about Jude for a while, but its my blog and I can do whatever I want with it, right?

We gave him his first real bath the other day. His "c" is all healed and his cord fell out so we thought we would cover his body with bubbles and see how he liked it. At first he hated it. He is more like his mommy than his daddy in the area of not wanting to be exposed. But once we got to the hair-washing he loved it. Every time I wash his hair he gets that "eyes rolled to the back of his head" look and almost falls asleep on me. This time was no exception.

(Erik strategically took pictures when something was covering his hoo-ha, no perverts allowed)

His new favorite way to sleep is with his hands up right by his ears as if saying "its too loud!", although we all know he can sleep through just about anything.

Last night I fed him right before I put him to bed. He drank 4 ounces instead of his normal 2, and I knew he was in a drunken state as he literally passed out in my arms. I laid him down in his bassinet and I think World War 3 could have been happening right in our bedroom and he would have never noticed. Erik and I then crawled in bed, and as we laid there talking about our day and mainly about Jude we looked over and saw him sleeping with his one arm raised in the air.

(Sorry about my creepy eye in the corner)

We laughed for a good 10 minutes about it. I had to cover my face with my pillow so that I wouldn't wake him I was laughing so hard. He would put it down, and then it would slowly make its way back into the air. I don't know what he was dreaming about but it must have been good!

2 Years

2011-01-04T09:10:00.000-08:00

Sunday was mine and Erik's 2nd anniversary. It is absolutely crazy how fast time flies. It really does feel like just a month ago we were in the temple being sealed to each other, and now its 2 years later! We decided that we probably won't get many opportunities to go out much since we have Jude now, so we dropped him off with my sister and headed out for Cheesecake Factory. We were going to go to a movie as well, but got halfway to the restaurant and decided that dinner was going to be long enough and we didn't want to be away from him all night.

We sat across from each other at dinner and felt like we were really seeing each other for the first time in a few weeks. Things have been so crazy with Jude coming early, Christmas, New Year's and other things that we felt like we had hardly seen each other even though we sleep in the same bed.

We didn't talk about school or work. We talked about the last 2 years, and mostly about Jude. We laughed and laughed, and I felt giddy again. It felt like we were dating and by the end of the night we ended up on the same side of the booth.

We of course had to order cheesecake, and we decided to get 2 pieces and bring the leftovers home because there is no way we could have finished them both.

(Erik's Reece's and my Chocolate Mousse. Yum!)

Things have been so great with us. Having Jude has done nothing but bring us closer together. Here's to many more years!

My #1 Man

2010-12-31T17:56:00.000-08:00

I am the 3rd of 4 girls. The only boy in the house was my dad, until our dog Todd came along. Growing up my dad was everything I ever wanted. He was my knight in shining armor, he was my hero. He spent many hours playing Pretty Pretty Princess, Barbies, and Polly Pockets with us. He has endured many manicures, pedicures, and facials. As embarassing as it may sound, we all know he secretly enjoyed it. I didn't think I needed anything else, because I had my dad. I remember the day I found out I couldn't marry him because he was already married to my mom (creepy? I was around 5, give me a break). My whole life, he has been my #1 man.

He has been there for me in so many ways. He was at every dance concert, every softball game, every game I cheered at in high school. He supported me with everything I did in Student Council. He was a shoulder for me to cry on when boys were stupid, and he even threatened to beat them up for me if that's what I wanted. He has been one of my best friends my whole life, and my #1 man.

I then graduated high school, and started dating this guy.

He enveloped everything I did. I spent every day with him for 2 months quickly falling in love. Everything I did, thought, and said revolved around him, and vice versa.

We got engaged, and I knew that he would forever be my #1 man. There was no one else that made me happier, and no one else I wanted to be with more.

He has been there for me through ups and downs, and has supported me through everything. I didn't think I could feel more love for another human being than I do for this man, my #1 man.

When we found out we were pregnant, I was hoping for a girl. But when the day of the ultra sound came and they said it was a boy I was secretly excited. Terrified, but excited. I only have sisters. I don't know boys. I don't know what you need to do to take care of them. I do ribbons and bows, and I definitely don't know anything when it comes to their...you know.

And then they handed him to me.

In that moment I knew my whole world had been changed. I had finally met my #1 man.

I knew that I loved this boy in a different way than I have ever loved before. He has so quickly become my whole world.

He is the most perfect baby anyone could ever ask for. He is so mellow, I have only heard him cry about 4 or 5 times. He never wakes up during the night, I have to force him to wake up every 3 hours to eat. Occasionally he'll wake up earlier when he's hungry, but even then he doesn't cry. He just fusses a bit and I know he's hungry.

He loves to snuggle, and will just curl right up to you when he lays on your chest. He has the best looking hair out of any 2 week old I've ever seen, and it does that all on its own.

He will smile at you if you ask nicely. Or if you sing his favorite song "Hey Jude". He is the most precious baby I could have asked for. He makes me happier than I have ever been. Now I am most certain I know who my #1 man is, and there is no doubt it is my little Jude Man.

Hey Jude

2010-12-23T22:50:00.000-08:00

After a crazy day on Sunday, our Jude Man is finally here! Be prepared for a very long post (sorry) with a lot of pictures. I want to make sure I document everything before I forget the details, and after this week I just might forget it all.

I went to my 36 week doctor's appointment last Wednesday, December 15th. I was dilated to a 1 and 50% effaced, so I was right on. My blood pressure was a little high, and Dr. B told me I could be having him the week of Christmas if it kept up this way. I just looked at her and said "You do realize Christmas week is next week right?" She just laughed and said we would have to see what it was at after I had some additional blood work done, and after my next doctor's appointment which was supposed to be on Tuesday the 21st.
Last Saturday my mom, sisters and I had a bake day. We have bake day during Christmas time every year. I wasn't really feeling good all day and hardly contributed to the baking, I was mainly there to stir and chop as I sat in the same chair the whole time. It was hard for me to move, and I felt like I had a bowling ball between my legs the whole day. I was having a few Braxton Hicks, but I've been having those for a few weeks so I didn't think anything of it. I just assumed I was doing too much and I was feeling the "I'm 8 months pregnant and just want this to be over" symptoms.

That night as Erik and I were watching Anchorman with some friends I felt like I had to pee every 10 minutes, as opposed to every 20 minutes. I kept feeling something wet "down there", but it didn't seem like pee to me. I was half asleep during all of this so once again I didn't think much of it. I got into bed about 1:00 that night, and at about 3:30 I woke up having really bad Braxton Hicks again. After about half an hour of having them as I was asleep, I realized that they were coming about every 5 minutes, and they were a lot stronger than the normal Braxton Hicks I usually have. I started keeping track of when they were coming and how long, and after an hour of having them every 4.5-5 minutes for a minute to a minute and half, I decided maybe I should call my doctor. I kept feeling a "drip drip drip" down there too, and the only thing I could think of was my water breaking. Erik immediately jumped up and starting packing our hospital bag and trying to straighten up the house. I had planned on packing our bag on Sunday afternoon and cleaning the house Monday, but obviously that was a few days too late. After another hour and a half we were told to go down to the hospital, this might be it!

We walked in around 6:30 ish, they checked me out and said yes my water was leaking and I was dilated to a 2. They decided to admit me around 7, and at this time I had been having contractions for a few hours and to be honest, it was horrible. Around 8:30 I was in so much pain, they checked me again and I had dilated to a 4 so they decided to give me the epidural (finally!). The epidural was the BEST thing that had ever happened to me in that moment. It was not that painful at all. The contractions were waaaay worse than the epidural by far.

(Me right before the epidural. 5 1/2 hours is way too long for contractions)

I had planned on getting a pedicure before I was due, which was supposed to be in January. That didn't happen and my feet were horrible. So of course there was no way my mom would let my legs into those stirrups with my toes looking the way they did. She is so good to me, she pampered me after I had my epidural and painted my toe nails:

and braided my hair:

Around 11 o'clock they checked me again and I was dilated to an 8.5, almost a 9. I was going so fast, it seems like such a blur looking back. At noon they checked again, and I was dilated to a 10, it was time! It had nothing at all to do with my blood pressure, Jude just decided it was time to come out and made sure that was going to happen.

I started pushing around 12:20 and at about 12:30 the nurse had me stop because he was basically out and Dr. B wasn't there yet. I started pushing again at 12:35, and at 12:40 he was out! They could not believe how fast it was, and I was pretty grateful that it didn't last that long.

Jude Patrick Payne

6 pounds 9 ounces

20 inches long

12:40 pm

While I was pushing Erik was so good and stood by my side the whole time. He loves stuff like this, and he thought the whole thing was so cool!

(him watching as Jude was born)

Erik and I with our favorite man Jude right after they handed him to me.

After our family left the room, the pediatrician came to have a look at him because he was born at 36.5 weeks and considered a preemie. My OB Dr. B was still there, and as I held my precious baby in my arms, we were told that Jude was showing some mild signs of Down syndrome. He has a crease in his hands, he has a thick tongue, he seemed floppy. To me it didn't seem like enough to make one suspicious, but I'm also not a doctor. A million thoughts and questions immediately filled my mind, and the next few hours and days seem to be a blur. They had to draw blood for the test that will see whether or not he is. He had an echo done and it came back perfect. My baby has a perfect heart, which is always a good sign.

The next day he was admitted to the NICU because he wasn't eating enough. We had tried breast feeding the first day and night and he just wasn't getting enough to eat because he was too exhausted for his bottle after trying to breast feed. He is still there today and will probably be there through Christmas. They said all of this is because he was born premature, and he would be there even if he wasn't showing signs of Down syndrome.

His feedings have been getting better, he is increasing his intake every day. We started breastfeeding today and he has latched a few times which is better than what they were expecting.

Yesterday as I was sitting in the hospital room in between his feedings, the doctor came in and I knew she had the results. I held my breath as she looked down at her paper and said "Mrs. Payne, the test came back positive. Jude has Down syndrome".

I had been preparing myself all week for this answer. After they said he might show signs of it, I saw it in him. I looked at him and I knew I was seeing something special. Everyone looks at their newborn child and will see some spectaculiar, but I look at Jude and see something so beyond that. He is so perfect, so celestial. So when she said that, it did not come as a shock at all.

Most people ask how I'm coping and how I'm taking it. If I'm sad or angry. The answer to all of those questions is I am overwhelmed, but handling. In no way am I mad, sad, angry or depressed. Yes I have spent a lot of my time crying but only because he is still in the NICU and I just want to take him home with me. I cried when they had to put a feeding tube in through his nose. I cry because I feel so beyond blessed and honored to be chosen to raise one of the Lord's choicest spirits. I am a natural weeper and I'm feeling pregnancy hormones which naturally brings on the tears. I have felt the hand of the Lord so much this week. I know that he brought Jude to me because he knows that is what I need. He has touched my heart in the 4 days he has been here in a way I have never felt before.

Erik has been such a great dad so far, and he has been such an amazing husband. He has held me everytime I cried and has given me so much support. Jude loves his daddy so much, and there have been times when I just can't get him to eat and when he hears Erik's voice is when he perks up and will finish eating.

Tonight is the first night I haven't been able to sleep at the hospital. It has been so weird leaving the hospital without him but I know that he is in good hands and that is where he needs to be right now. I have had the most amazing nurses that have helped me so much in my stay at the hospital. Heather, Marci, Cindy, and Melanie were all so good to me and were exactly what I needed. I only had a problem with one of Jude's nurses. I felt like a crazy demanding mom when I actually asked if I could have them change the nurse so we no longer had the one that was assigned to us, but I figured that since Erik had to ask her to stop texting so she could help Jude stop choking on his feeding tube it was pretty justified. Other than that I have loved Margaret, Christine, Sonia, Stephanie and Brandi. Especially Brandi. She has sat by my side every time I have fed Jude. She has helped me feed him when he just didn't want to take his bottle. She has given me advice as a nurse, a mother, and as a friend. She held me as I cried after she put the feeding tube in. She reassured me when I said I didn't know how I was going to be able to take care of him when I took him home.

I will keep you updated on what happens with my Jude Man. I know that he will touch so many lives in the years to come. He has already changed me just by being here. I am so happy to be his mommy!

2010-12-08T21:47:00.000-08:00

I know it's a bit late, but the Christmas cheer has finally hit the Payne home! Erik and I have been so busy lately, but I finally found time to get our Christmas decorations up.

(Thank you Hobby Lobby 50% off aisle!):

Poor Douglas has been feeling so neglected since we cut him down and brought him home with us. He has been sitting in our stand completely naked for the past few weeks. A few days ago I finally strung some lights on him to make him sparkle, and tonight I put some ornaments on him so he didn't feel so bare. Erik of course putting the star on:

This year, Erik decided to pick out an ornament that is as big as my head to hang on the tree. He was more excited about hanging this ornament than the star.

The finished product. Not much, but he's ours!

On Sunday it was my 21st birthday! Erik and I had planned to go to dinner just the two of us on Friday night to celebrate, but he fabricated this whole story about how our friend's power went out and we needed to go help him get into the attic...or something like that. I don't remember it exactly, but I just went along with it. When we got there, all of my sisters were there along with all of our friends waiting in the dark with a cake and balloons to surprise me! I'm so bummed I didn't get any pictures, but it was such a blast and Erik has never let me down on my birthday. My baby shower was then on Saturday and I got so many great gifts! Everything I was so worried about not getting I got, and I feel so spoiled. My mom and sisters put so much hard work into the shower, it turned out great! I was too busy eating most of the time to take pictures, but hopefully I will be able to snag some pics from my mom and sisters.

For my birthday, Erik got me this amazing watch:

Yes my friends it is made out of wood, and no you can not have it. I was so excited because I have been needing a new watch desperately, and I have never seen one like it. I mean come on, wood? Only Erik would be able to find something so amazing.

Along with all of the other awesome gifts I got, my parents got me a vacuum! You know when you are old and married when you are so excited about getting a vacuum for your birthday. The one that I had bit the dust and it has been driving me nuts. Thank you mom and dad!

Another one of my birthday presents from Erik, besides the watch and getting his hair cut, was my maternity photo shoot. Erik came along with no complaints, and he was so good about it the whole time. They were taken by the amazing Lang Photographers (see their site here). Here are just a few of my favorites:

We have been married for almost 2 years now (what?? where has the time gone?!) and they have been the most amazing 2 years of my life. I have never been more in love with him than I am now. We always talk about how when we got engaged we thought we would never be more in love than we were then, and when we got married we would never be more in love than on that day. 2 years later he still proves me wrong. Every day I find new reasons why I am so happy I married him, and I'm always reminded of the old reasons. To be completely honest things have been a little hard for me lately. I know it is just the stresses and anxieties of what is coming next, and it is also 100% the adversary trying to pull me down and make me feel like I am not going to make it, and I'm not capable of handling things. Erik has, once again, been proving me wrong every day. He has been my rock, and has picked up the things that I have been slacking on. Sorry to get all mushy-gushy, but I just love this man and I don't care who knows it!

We laughed for a really long time about this...

2010-12-01T19:12:00.000-08:00

And I hope you find it as funny as we did.

Thanksgiving and some other fun things

2010-11-28T20:04:00.000-08:00

First I would like to say how cold it was in our apartment yesterday, I was not happy and that heater was turned on ASAP:

Second, Thanksgiving. We spent Thanksgiving day with both my side of the family and Erik's side. I had brought my camera and had intended on taking lots of pictures, but of course that never happens. His side of the family came in from California and it was so great to see his aunts, uncles and cousins. On Thanksgiving night we went to see the temple lights, and this was the only picture we managed to steal:

(There's more to the fam, but these were the only ones there that night)

All in all we had a really fun Thanksgiving, full of lots of food, family, and lots of Christmas music.

On Wednesday I hit 33 weeks and I cannot believe how fast time is going. It feels like just yesterday we found out that we were pregnant, and now it is almost time for him to come. I feel so ready for him to finally be here, and at the same time I don't feel ready at all. I don't think those fears will go away until he is here and in my arms, and all I can do for right now is pray that everything will go alright! It feels that in the past few weeks, and even more in the past few days my turkey popper has really popped. I can tell we are going to have a big boy!

Yesterday was a very exciting day in the Payne home. You see, Erik has not cut his hair since December 4th of last year. LAST YEAR. He was growing it out a year ago, and he finally cut it for my birthday because I had been bugging him about getting his hair cut for 8 months. Well then he decided to grow it out again. When we found out we were pregnant, he said he wasn't going to cut it until right before Jude was born. At first I just let him believe that, and I figured I could sucker him into getting it cut again. Boy was I wrong. I finally decided that the arguments weren't worth it, and if he wanted to grow it out then I wasn't going to say anything more about it. So it has been growing and growing and I have kept my mouth shut. At times I will admit, I did sort of like it (don't tell Erik), but I like it way better short than I do long. In case you didn't remember, this is what it looked like before he cut it (I chose this picture as an excuse to put in on the blog. It was taken about a week ago, and I loved it so much because no one put her there, she was just handed a bottle and then crawled right up to his leg and laid down. I melted. But you still get the idea with his hair):

Well yesterday we had our maternity photo shoot which is one of my birthday presents. I told Erik my only condition was that he wore a hat, because he looks better with a hat on with his long hair. Of course he didn't mind because he agrees, and I think he could tell I was secretly stressing about how they were going to turn out with his long hair, even though I didn't say anything. Before we went to bed Friday night, he told me he was going to cut his hair for my birthday, and that he would do it a week early for the photo shoot. I obviously was sooo excited, and decided that because I have not said anything about his hair for the last year, I should be able to have some fun with it before he chopped off the 8 inches. So I straightened:

And curled:

And french braided:

Did pigtails:

And made it look girly:

We then decided we couldn't just cut it without having any fun with it, so we pulled out the scissors and started chopping. Erik and I both agree that this picture makes him look extra creepy/Asian in a weird sort of way:

Mullet:

Rat tail (I'm not sure why it rotated this one and I couldn't figure out how to rotate it back. Sorry):

Afterwards I was a very happy wife, and I was even more happy that he said he was tired of his long hair and that is why he decided to cut it. Even though all of our primary girls laughed at him and told him he looked funny, I think he looks great! Now Jude will know he has a mom and a dad, instead of 2 moms.

I am so grateful for many things in my life. I am grateful for such loving parents and a wonderful family that support us so much. I am so glad I have the gospel in my life I love the strength that it gives me everyday. Most importantly I am so grateful for having Erik by my side. He is such a good husband to me and I could not have asked for anyone more perfect for what I need. He keeps me laughing every day, and life is always fun with him. I can't wait to start our little family together!

We hope you all had a fun Thanksgiving weekend!

It's beginning to look alot like Christmas

2010-11-21T18:35:00.000-08:00

I have been waiting for this last weekend for a very long time now. And I'm sure you all know why......

Remember how I'm a nerd? And I read these books over and over again and never get tired of them? Oh yeah, me too. I have been counting down the days until November 19th since I heard that was the release date. And I'll just say this, I was not disappointed. And I even cried at the end. But I'm not going to say any more than that.

Second: Yesterday Erik and I went with some friends of ours to cut down our own Christmas tree! Erik and I have sworn for the rest of our lives we will get a real tree because we love them so much, so what better way than to go out and cut it down yourself? So we loaded up early yesterday morning and set off for Cameron, just outside of Flagstaff. We had the boys in one car and the girls in another which was full of lots of girl talk and singing to Christmas songs. Erica and I traded off driving, and lets just say I have a lead foot just like my mom:

(Actually my parent's speedometer is broken on their tahoe, I'm not that daring)

Erik and I had to search for a while until we found the perfect tree, the "Douglas" for this year. After lots of searching, and many maybes, we finally found him. So Erik grabbed the saw and got to work.

He's not as full as last year's Douglas, but we still love him. We are so happy that we got him so soon, more time to enjoy him!

After we cut down our Christmas trees, we stopped by the local Indian stand for some Navajo Tacos. They were soooo good! Mine just had beans and cheese so it wasn't as big as Erik's, which was massive.

Erica and Albert brought Ruby, and she was so much fun as always. I love this picture of the two of them, and it just proves how Erik is going to be such a good dad.

And then I see this picture and all of my fears and anxieties and stresses are confirmed that I am going to be a terrible mother! Maybe it will all change when it's your own child (I hope).

(P.S.... like my earmuffs?)

And then I just had to add this picture because I thought the name was so funny. It was a stocking hanging at the fireplace at the restaurant, and I thought the name "Delfred" was hilarious. I couldn't get enough.

(Sorry if you know anybody named Delfred.....)

We hope you enjoyed your weekend, and as are excited about Christmas as we are!

I'm excited for this weekend....

2010-11-19T15:53:00.000-08:00

But I'm not going to tell you why, just yet.

:)

P.S.They started playing Christmas music on the radio today. I am a happy person.

October's Events

2010-11-01T22:41:00.000-07:00

***Warning: Picture Overload***

October has been such a fun month, its such a shame I haven't blogged about it until now. Lucky you, you get it all in one big massive post!

October is breast cancer month and every year my family does the breast cancer walk in Phoenix. My very special Grammy is in her 5th year of remission, so she is officially a SURVIVOR! She has fought so hard and we are so proud of her! We do all of his for her. The whole family:

Erik and I after the walk. We nailed that 1 mile family fun walk.

The next week my mom, sisters and I went to Time Out For Women in Phoenix. It was Friday night and all day Saturday so my wonderful dad got us a hotel room for the night so we made it a whole girls weekend! Even though I see these girls almost every day, we haven't had a whole trip like this in such a long time it was so great to be able to spend time with them. This picture was taken right before my mom fell off the bed, many laughs and many wet pants (which weren't mine! It runs in the family I tell you!).

This year I also went back and cheered at the Mesa High homecoming game with all of the alumni. Let me tell you this much, it is not as easy as it once was.

It was so great getting to see all of the girls again, especially this girl!

My family goes to the state fair every year, mainly to watch the demolition derby. I was so involved in the derby I forgot to take pictures. But the day was full of indian fry bread, eating fudge, and watching Ruby cry petting the animals.

This year my family decided to throw in a little competition with our pumpkin carving and we had a contest. Erica won with her Dwight Schrute carving.

Here's Erik and me with our pumpkins:

Mine, anxiously awaiting the arrival of Jude-Man

And Erik's, as always keeping up with what is going on in the world today

Erik and I (mainly Erik) planned a Halloween party on Friday with a bunch of our friends. It turned out a lot better than expected and was a lot of fun! Here's us in our Halloween costumes. Me: Buddha. Erik: it's a surprise. :)

Here's part of the group, the ones that were able to gather for the picture:

The party consisted of lots of games, throwing screw drivers at Jacob Black, and twister:

Erik worked so hard on his costume, and I thought it turned out so good! 10 points if you know who he is by this picture:

20 points if you know who he is by this hint:

Anyone get it???

I'm pregnant, don't judge

2010-10-28T15:07:00.000-07:00

Today I wore my slippers to Target. Well it started with me wearing them at work, and then to Target. Because I haven’t shaved in who knows how long and the weather is cooling down, I have taken a liking to wearing tights every day. So I slipped on my favorite stretchy black dress that is oh so comfy and fits very nicely over the baby bump, and threw on my argyle tights (yesterday was hounds tooth day). I thought I would try dressing things up and put on some red heels, and then quickly regretted it as I was walking into my office. Those shoes are hardly bearable when I’m not pregnant. Well lucky me, I’ve started bringing my slippers to work (it helps me believe that the weather is cold outside). I only wear them when my feet are under my desk, and anytime I get up I put whatever shoes I’m wearing that day back on. That way the boss will never know.

During my lunch break I decided to go down the street to Target to look at baby clothes and to find a shirt for my Halloween costume (which I’m not telling you what I’m going to be, you have to wait and see!). I decided to take my slippers with me. So for a whole 45 minutes I walked around Target in my “business attire”, and wearing my slippers. I got many funny looks from people, but I just gave them a look right back that said “I’m pregnant, don’t judge”.

**Side note: I hit 29 weeks pregnant yesterday! Picture coming later of my ever growing belly**

random story for today

2010-10-22T11:14:00.000-07:00

When my mom was pregnant with us she chewed ice all the time. It kind of carried on into when we were growing up as well. I chewed ice all through junior high and high school, I could never get enough (that was my mormon addiction). Although when Erik and I got married, he quickly put a stop to that bad habit. He always tells me that the first work that he is going to do as a dentist is not going to be fixing my teeth from my addicted days.

But now that I am pregnant I completely understand what my mom was talking about when she said that she just had to have her ice while she was pregnant and that nothing else could substitute. I don’t want it like I used to, I NEED it now. I am blessed to have one of the best ice machines at work, and I fill my 32 oz cup with ice at least 4 times a day. Erik tries to stop me now all the time by taking my ice away from me, but when I get that crazy look in my eyes and say slowly “GIVE.ME.MY.ICE”, he has learned to oblige.

The other night I was at my parent’s house while Erik was at school because I don’t like being home alone, it scares me. I bribed my mom into going to Sonic with me to get ice, and because she’s the best she came along for the ride. While I was there I decided to get one bag for my house and one bag for hers so they can have good ice too (and so that I can have good ice when I go over). Shockingly, I left my bag of ice in her freezer when I left that night.

So last night when I was at my parent’s house, again because Erik had school, I remembered my ice! I put it in the back seat of my car and drove home….and went straight inside. My precious ice stayed in the back seat of my car all night. I finally remembered at about 6 o clock this morning, right after my leg cramp went away. I quickly jumped up, threw whatever clothes I could find on (which ended up being Erik’s sweatpants and the dress I wore to work yesterday), and ran out to my car. I thought I was going to find the plastic bag sitting there in a huge puddle of water. I thought my car was going to stink horribly, and I was going to have to do some serious repairs for weeks to get it back to normal. Instead when I threw the back door open, I found my bag of ice still sitting there completely frozen. It had lasted through the whole night without melting.

Fall is here :)

26 weeks

2010-10-06T21:58:00.000-07:00

I had planned on posting a picture last week, I promise. Things got a little crazy and before I knew it I'm at 26 weeks. First I would like to say how grateful I am to have such an amazing family in my life. My sister and brother and law, Erica and Albert, have been going through a hard time and have just suffered a great loss. My heart reaches out to them, and I wish I could do so much more because words never feel like they are enough. My sister has shown great strength, and I look up to her more than she knows. She has always been the one that has had to endure what the rest of us know we could not. She is such an amazing mother, wife, sister, daugther and friend, and any one who is blessed to know her would say the same.

I'm getting towards the end of my second trimester, and I am definitely feeling it. It's amazing how I will read about other women who are pregnant and hardly have back pain or soreness, and go to the gym 3 times a week. I can barely make it from the couch to the bathroom without getting out of breath. Heck to the no, you ain't getting me on a treadmill. I have even successfully mastered the waddle. I try so hard to walk normal, but when I have that massive pain that feels like there is a crank trying to pry my groin area open, its a little hard not to. I can start to feel the pressure of him constantly now, and he's not even 2 pounds. I don't know what I'm going to do when he weighs more!

Last night I actually saw my stomach move when he did for the first time. It was just a punch, but it was so weird seeing my stomach move as he did. I have seen my stomach move so much since, and he has even punched a few times as I'm laying here. I try to get Erik to come and watch, but everytime he tries to see it Jude decides he wants to take a break. He's such a jokester, playing tricks on his dad just because he knows he's watching.

My camera wasn't charged, so we had to take this picture on my phone. Sorry for the fuzziness. I feel like I look in the mirror and my stomach sticks out so much more, and then I see a picture and it doesn't look as big as it does in my head. Nevertheless, I still think I look pretty big for only 26 weeks, but that's just me.

P.S.-Dear Jude,

I already love you so much and can't wait to meet you. But, I would really appreciate it if you would stick your foot somewhere else besides in my ribs at 2 o'clock in the morning. It would help me sleep, and probably make your day better too. Plus, dad won't be so upset with us in the morning for tossing and turning all night. Only 3 more months left and we get to see you. I started working on your bedroom this week and I think you're going to like it. Dad has bought you a lot of cute clothes already, and he has them set up in your dresser ready for you to wear. I think he's most excited to meet you, but he's a little nervous you won't like him (don't tell him I told you that). Of course you and I know that you love me best, but you can pretend that you love him more. It will be our little secret. I love you so much my little Jude Man and I can't wait until Heavenly Father is ready to let you come and be mine.

Love,
Mom

25 weeks

2010-09-29T21:42:00.000-07:00

Today marks 25 weeks, its crazy how fast time is going! I don't have a picture to post today because the hard drive for Erik's computer crashed today (sad day), so I'll post it tomorrow. This week he is a little over and pound and a half, and he is the size of a rutabaga. What is a rutabaga you ask? I'm not sure you'll have to google it, but it looks like a potato-onion thing. I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and she said that everything looked perfect! It is so great to hear those words come out of your doctor's mouth. I was also super suprised when she told me I had only gained 15 pounds. Excuse me what? She laughed a little bit and told me not to worry and that it was all baby weight. Oh no, I'm not worried about gaining weight at all. I was more shocked that I had only gained that much, because I eat like a cow! I'm basically the family garbage disposal! For instance, today alone I ate:

-4 pieces of toast-

-an entire sleeve of oreo's-

-3 pieces of pizza-

-about 15 strawberries (give or take a few)-

-about 2 potatoes-

-a salad-

-3 rolls-

-and about a gallon or so of water-

........................I think her scale was broken.

But tomorrow I go in for another ultra sound, we're so excited! At my last ultra sound they told me that my placenta was looking lower than what it normally should be, which could result in placenta previa. Normally I wouldn't have another ultra sound this soon, but they need to watch it to make sure it starts moving its way up. When talking to my doctor she told me it was a 99.9% chance that I didn't have placenta previa because this is my first pregnancy and my placenta wasn't too low, but they always order the ultra sound to make sure. So that means we get to see Jude again! He has been kicking more than usual, which I LOVE :). He is starting to turn himself upside down now, so right now he is sideways (or so the doctor said). About a week or so ago as he was trying to turn around, I got a nice punch in the groin. I know Jude was just trying to make room for his growing body, but it caused me to not be able to walk straight! Erik had to help me out of the car and practically carry me inside. Once I laid on the bed he sat next to me and brushed my hair and rubbed my back until I fell asleep because I was in so much pain. When I asked the doctor what that pain could have been she just said that he is running out of space and he's not used to it, so he was trying to make room. Meaning I got a nice left hook to the crotch, and a sleepless night. But I'll do anything for my Baby Jude!

my life is summed up in this picture

2010-09-28T22:20:00.000-07:00

I hate putting gas in my car. It hits my "top 5 list of things I hate to do most". I always hope that if I let it get down low enough, and then let Erik borrow the car he will notice that bright shining light and so graciously fill it up for me. I know that he cleans his windshields almost every time he puts gas in his truck because he hates looking out a dirty window, and because I never clean mine I know he would clean them for me, so that would be a bonus. I don't know why I go so long without filling it up. Something about the stopping and having to get out of the car, and then putting my hand on the nasty gas pump, and then standing there and waiting. I just don't like it. Once I get in the car I don't want to have to get out until I've reached my destination, and getting gas ruins that. I left work today and I had 13 miles to go until it was empty, and I seriously considered trying to make it home without filling it up. But when I went barely a mile and it said I only had 7 miles to go, I had to pull over and fill up. Let's hope the next 2 1/2-3 weeks don't go by so fast, or that Erik will just fill it up for me.

Series of Unfortunate Events

2010-09-21T22:17:00.000-07:00

"Nosebleeds tend to occur more often during pregnancy. Pregnancy can cause the blood vessels in your nose to expand, and your increased blood supply puts more pressure on those delicate vessels, causing them to rupture more easily." -Babycenter.com

And that is how my weekend began. Saturday morning I woke up earlier than I normally do on my blessed day to sleep in, because I had an all day relief society activity. I had signed up to bring a sweet treat, that way I would feel some sort of responsibility and make sure I actually showed up on time. As Erik and I were laying in bed trying to get the other one to get up first, I got a stuffy nose. No biggie, I usually get a stuffy nose in the morning. I couldn't help but think how quickly this one came on. I reached up to wipe some of what I thought was snot away, and I realized someone turned the faucet on in my nose and it was bleeding. I quickly jumped up and ran to the bathroom screaming "My nose is bleeding! What do I do?! I've never had a bloody nose before! HELP ME!" Except my words didn't come through as clear, and instead I was talking like Neville Longbottom in Harry Potter 5 (if you know what part I'm talking about you are automatically awesome). Erik comes running in after me, shoves toilet paper up my nose, sits me down on the toilet and tells me not to move. A few seconds later I hear the "clickity click" of him typing, and then he is shouting certain instructions to me. "Don't tilt your head back! Only pinch the tip of your nose! Don't swallow!" Thank goodness for Google. After about 45 minutes of blood coming out of both nostrils strong enough for a fire hose, me spewing it out of my mouth every 5 seconds, and Erik putting bags of frozen cheese on my cheeks because it "helps with the coagulation", it finally went away. I swear I thought I was going to need a blood transfusion after that. Let's just say, I didn't make it to relief society on time.

That night Erik and I went to our friends Nate and Kenzi's house to make mexican food and play some awesome Mario Kart on the wii. As usual, I fell asleep around 10-11 o'clock, and Erik kept playing video games with friends like they was 14 years old again. He finally woke me up around 1 in the morning telling me it was time to leave, and then half carried me to the car. When we finally got home, we found ourselves staring at our front door, and then looking at the other person. We had locked ourselves out, perfect. It was now almost 1:30 on Sunday morning, and we couldn't get into our apartment. After about a half an hour of me trying to jimmy-jangle a bobby pin to try and unlock the door, and Erik trying to bust the screen off of our living room window, we were finally able to break into our own apartment. Erik had to jam the window open, making tons of noise. We thought we were going to have a gun pulled on us, or the cops called because of how much noise we were making.

5 hours later, Sunday morning greeted us with another bloody nose. This time I didn't get it all over the sheets or all over myself, thankfully. As we were running out the door with church starting 5 minutes ago, we found that my car battery was dead. Seriously?? As if this weekend wasn't bad enough! We found ourselves looking at each other asking who left the overhead light on. Well no light was left on, my battery was just gone. Dead. Finished. No more. After church we tried jumping the battery to see if that would help, but no. Of course not. We went to the local AutoZone (let the lightning strike now, we went somewhere on Sunday), to buy a new battery, and $100 later we were all set to go.

I wish I had taken pictures of some of this stuff, but I only had my g's on with the bloody nose and that would not have been a pretty picture. I was too tired to take a picture of Erik breaking into our apartment, and by the time the dead battery happened none of it was funny at the time. So for now you just get to imagine what it all looked like. Goodnight!

23 weeks

2010-09-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today makes 23 weeks, time is going by so fast! Jude kicks all the time now, I think he throws a party in my stomach daily. Others have been able to feel him move now, unless he's being stubborn. He's already such a momma's boy. I will sit and feel him move for 10 minutes or so, and then someone else will put their hand on my stomach and he won't even budge. Its as if he knows its not me and he thinks he's being tricky. My stomach is protruding more and more and I officially feel like I have a planet growing out of the front of me. But of course, I'm loving it!

(Don't mind Erik's arms trying to do a thumbs up)

For some reason I have been so indecisive about the bedding that I want. Obviously I want something cute and boyish, but I don't want the typical blue and brown. Blue and brown are definitely cute together, but I envision something brighter for Jude. I have always liked brighter colors, and most people think Erik is gay with the colors he likes, so blue and brown didn't really work for him either. I have been searching and searching and have been getting so frustrated because there is not as much of a variety for boys than for girls. So my mom and I recently decided that she is going to make the bedding and we can buy our own fabric. I found (well, Erica and mom found) some really cute prints online and I have 2 picked out so far that I like but I just can't decide! I don't even know if I'll go with either one yet, but one day I decide I like one print better, and then the next day I change my mind. I want to know what you guys think!

I love this first print for the colors. It's super bright and I think it looks so happy. It also looks boyish without looking like I've seen it before. I love that the animal print is different, but still so cute!

This second one just makes me think of Erik for some reason. It's not as bright as the first one, but I love how different it is! It looks so modern, and for some reason it just screams Jude to me:

So, which one do you like better??

Dear Erik,

2010-09-09T19:18:00.000-07:00

I love you. You are the hot fudge to my sundae, the Chachi to my Joanie. But if I come home from work to find the small creature you gave birth to in the toilet one more time, we will be having some serious words. The flush button is on the left side, and the toilet bowl cleaner is on the bottom shelf in the bathroom cupboard. If you have any questions you know where to find me, I sleep on the right side of the bed. Thanks.

Love,
Your Wife

California 2010

2010-09-05T18:57:00.000-07:00

I meant to post all of these pictures right when we got home, but as usual life gets the best of me and so you are getting them a few weeks late. The week before school started Erik and I went to California to visit his mom Karin for her birthday! She lives in a beautiful town called Morgan Hill, just outside of San Jose. We got there late Wednesday night, and her birthday was Thursday. Unfortunately she had to work on her birthday, so Erik's brother Steven took us to Monterey Bay for the afternoon. I wanted to make sure I emptied my memory card for my camera before I got there, and it wasn't until that day that I realized it was still sitting in my computer at home. I was so bummed! So there are no pictures of Monterey Bay, but we just walked around and ate lots of candy anyway.

That night after Karin got home from work, we went to Erik's grandparents house for a special birthday dinner. Thank you Andy and Lois! This is the birthday girl on her special day (we won't tell you how old she is).

The next day, Friday, we went to Santa Cruz beach for the day. The weather was PERFECT. It was a little chilly on the pier, but after a hot summer in AZ it felt so good. We loved this beach because they have an old school boardwalk with a ferris wheel, roller coaster, and carnival games. It was so fun!

As we were walking along the pier, we saw a ton of sea lions swimming around in the ocean. I was so amazed! Erik kept laughing at me because I kept wanting to take pictures of them. But I've never seen them swimming around so close to the shore like that. We then came across a random staircase that led down to this:

Lets just say I clapped my hands and jumped up and down. I am very easily amused and I could have stood there watching them all day.

Every time Erik tried to get close enough to take a picture with these ones, they would turn to him and bark at him. They clearly didn't want him in their space.

The next day, off to San Francisco! I was most excited about this day because I have never been to San Fran before. I can't jump very high without wetting my pants, so I had Erik jump to show how excited we were.

It was freezing right there by the bridge! Although you can't see it in this picture the wind was craaaaazy.

We could not believe how pretty the views were, and these were just from the streets. I was oohing and aahing all day long. Erik says I'm like a little kid.

In front of some random heart at Union Square.

We saw so many random people walking around, and YES, very many gay people. Take this guy for instance, he has a fox around his neck.

Anybody seen the Double Rainbow video?

Towards the end of the day, we were eating at a pizza place called Uncle Vito's, and as we were walking back to the parking garage I had mentioned that I still wanted to go to China Town if we could find it. As I said that, we walked straight into this street without even realizing it. I was once again very excited. We spent the rest of the night walking along the stores, trying on Chinese outfits and laughing at all of the Buddhas.

Once again, really random people:

After a long day, and some delicious pie, we said farewell to San Francisco.

(Erik saw this and took a picture of it without me even knowing it. I didn't see the picture until later on in the day. I love it!)

We loved spending time in California with his mom, even though we did a lot of stuff it was such a relaxing weekend! Hopefully we will be able to go back for the holidays before Jude is born and before I get too big in the belly. Thank you so much Karin for letting us stay in your home and entertaining us the whole weekend, we had a blast!

21 weeks

2010-09-01T19:25:00.000-07:00

I know it's been a few weeks, but today I am 21 weeks. Baby Jude is now the length of a banana! I still can't believe how pointy my stomach looks, I always thought it would look more round. Even though I am so exhausted every day, I am absolutely loving being pregnant! I usually have something to complain about, from my back hurting to always wanting more sleep, I still love every minute of it. He's kicking all the time now, it feels like a constant twitch. I can't tell what part of his body is where, but I still love feeling him kick. It makes it so much more real.

I am eating more and more every day. Last night I ate an entire box of Kraft mac n' cheese by myself. I was planning on making it and saving about half for left overs that I could take to work, but before I knew it all of it was gone. And the sad part was, I wasn't extremely full. You would think I would be moaning and groaning like Thanksgiving dinner, but I felt fully satisfied. I ate an ice cream bar about 30 minutes later. I still eat potatoes all the time. In fact I eat 2 baked potatoes for lunch every day. And sometimes a third, if they're small. I seriously can not get enough of them. Jude kicks the most after I eat potatoes, so I love eating them even more.

I seriously can not wait until this little man comes out, I just want to meet him so bad! I am so excited to be his mommy, but it also terrifies me! I am always telling Erik I'm going to be a terrible mom, but I know I'm going to love him so much more than I do now!

**pics from our San Francisco trip coming soon!**

18 weeks

2010-08-12T21:13:00.000-07:00

I hit 18 weeks yesterday and I feel so much bigger than I look. I have taken a picture of my belly almost every week but I keep forgetting to post it, so I finally did! Here I am at 18 weeks:

My stomach is so pointy it seems.

Well if you haven't heard it yet, we're having a...............

BOY! Erik knew it the whole time. Now we won't have to return any of the outfits that Erik has bought (and let me tell you they are all so cute!). Here is a picture of the side view of his little face, you can see his profile so well:

And here is our baby boy in all of his glory. In my opinion it looks like a hot dog, but that's just me. Don't worry, I put an arrow to help you all see:

I drank so much water before I went to make sure my bladder was full, and of course I was hungry so I just had to eat those 2 pieces of toast. Well after about 20 minutes of poking and prodding, we still weren't able to get a clear shot of what it is. So she had me go sit in the lobby and drink more water. And then I had to eat some crackers. And drink some juice. And drink even MORE water. By the end of the 30 minute wait I was pacing the waiting room afraid my bladder was going to explode any second. Normally I go to the bathroom about every 20 minutes by only drinking a few cups of water. By this point in the day I had already drank almost a gallon of water and I hadn't gone to the bathroom in over an hour and half. I thought I was going to DIE! And if I didn't die I thought I was going to suffer some serious embarassment by wetting my pants in the waiting room (first the bed, then my pants???). I could have kissed her when she called us back again. She took another look, and there he was sharing his goodies with us. We were so relieved!

We are both so excited about finding out its a boy! Of course I wanted a girl, but I am so excited. He is going to be my little man!

counting down the hours

2010-08-10T21:32:00.000-07:00

I finally have the date set for my ultra sound to find it if Baby Payne is going to be a boy or a girl, and it's this Thursday! That's right, as in less than 2 days away! Erik and I can hardly wait, we have been talking about this for so long it feels like. I say we're going to find out if its a boy or a girl, while Erik says we're going to find out that its officially a boy. He is so convinced its a boy, I'm afraid he will tell the Dr to send it back if it comes out a girl. He has already bought so many boy clothes, we won't even need to have a baby shower. As much as he talks about how badly he wants it to be a boy I know she will have him wrapped around her little finger if its a girl. She will be daddy's little princess.

I am 18 weeks tomorrow and definitely feeling it. Even though I sleep pretty okay through the night, Erik says I'm all over the place all the time. I stopped wetting the bed (thank goodness), but sometimes I barely make it to the bathroom in time. My sleeping pill still knocks me out so much I barely wake up for my alarm, let alone my body telling me to wake up to go pee at 2 a.m. Most of my clothes don't fit anymore, so I rotate between the same 5 shirts that actually do fit. My stomach has begun to poke out enough that you might be able to tell I'm pregnant, instead of just a little chunky (pictures coming soon!). My favorite line this week was when a co-worker found out I was pregnant (I don't know what rock he's been under the past 4.5 months), and he told me "I didn't know you were pregnant, I just thought you were gaining weight and didn't want to say anything". Thanks Simon.

As uncomfortable as I usually am, being pregnant is one of the best experiences I have ever been fortunate enough to go through. I know I'm not as sick as some women get (although without my medicine, I feel like I'm at death's front door), but it is such a rewarding feeling knowing that someday this baby is going to be part of this world, and I am going to be everything it needs. Scary, but rewarding. I feel a bit strange in my thinking sometimes, like I am almost not doing enough. My doctor laughed at me a little bit at my last appointment when I had only gained back 2 of the 3 pounds I had lost. She said most girls are worried about how they can stay skinny during pregnancy, and all I was worried about was not gaining enough weight. I was so worried that my baby was going to be deprived of all of the nutrients it needed. (My doctor is amazing, she definitely reassures me of all of my random, paranoid doubts).

I felt it move a little bit about a week or so ago and it is so cool! What they say is true, it really does feel like you have the butterflies, or just gas. But it's so much more amazing than gas! And I can tell the difference between the two. The other day I had Erik push on my stomach, and I felt it move around a little bit. It was so cool for me, but Erik was still bummed he can't feel it move yet.

Well I know I have been rambling a lot in this post, but it is late so I blame it on the drowsiness. All I can say is how extremely blessed I feel in life right now, and how I am so grateful that Erik and I are sealed together forever, along with all of our children to come!

latest and greatest...DISNEYLAND!

2010-07-04T16:20:00.000-07:00

Last weekend Erik and I went with my family to the best place on the planet, DISNEYLAND! We did the "give a day, get a day" service project back in May, and we got one free day to Disneyland. My family has always been huge on Disneyland. Don't worry, I only rode rides that were pregnant-friendly.

Enjoy! (I usually don't post too many pictures, and I didn't realize how many were in this post until I was finished. Sorry!):

Erik and I in the parking garage, excited for the day ahead!

Here's the whole family, Rubes is barely hanging on in the stroller, but she was just so cute in it.

Of course Erik and I had to sport the TOMS. Erik had just painted the ones he's wearing a few days before this. They were perfect and so comfy.

Ruby and I did a lot of this. Neither of us could ride many rides (she didn't fit the height requirement and I couldn't ride many without wanting to throw up), so we hung out together all day. I'm going to speak for both of us when I say we had a good time (Ruby's face definitely testifies of this fact).

Erik made this shirt specifically for Disneyland (details about it later in the post).

Over on Tom Sawyer's island.

Erik and I on one of the few rides I could ride, Dumbo!

Some lady got a little upset after this picture was taken. I guess we can't ride two people to one horse?? Erik wanted to make sure my horse didn't get too out of control while on the carousel ride.

Ruby has this new obsession of sucking on your face when you hold her. She would have tried to put Mom's entire face in her mouth if she could.

And we move to Erik's shirt. He was so excited to make it! We took many pictures throughout the day of Erik next to random people. It definitely made our day fun, and trying to make sure the person didn't see us taking the picture was part of what made it so funny. Queue roll of pics:

(this is our brother in law Nick, married to my sister Ashley. He looks like he could beat the crap out of you but he's really a nice guy, I promise)

Aubs, perfect timing of the camera click.

Random mustache man.

Asian man. Enough said.

Old lady. Erik loved her for this picture.

We especially love this picture for the bromance that is happening and the love-child it looks like they have.

We went to the beach the next day, I wish I had taken more pics of the day of but there wasn't too much going on except for some napping, shopping, and a lot of this:

Erik and I around the campfire we made at night. Hot dogs, hobo dinners and s'mores, yum!

i'm going crazy

2010-06-21T18:46:00.000-07:00

I lost my bra this morning. I couldn't find it for the longest time. I'm not the girl that will take it off the minute they walk in the door. No sir. I put mine on when I get out of the shower in the morning and I don't take it off until I know I'm crawling into bed. I hate more than anything taking it off only to realize that I have to put it back on because someone is coming over, or I forgot I have to run an errand. And let me tell you, with girls like mine, when they hang low they definitely wobble to and fro. It's just not comfortable.
So at the end of the night I always take it off at the foot of my bed and hang it on the knob of my dresser drawer, that way I know where it's at in the morning. Well this morning I get out of the shower and open my drawer to put my g's on, and my bra was gone. My first thougt was "hmm, that's weird". So I searched everwhere around the dresser, around the bed, under the bed, in all the drawers. After searching for a while I start getting really frustrated thinking that when I push that snooze button in the morning, I don't schedule in an extra 15 minutes for bra-searching time.
I decided to start getting ready, hoping I would suddenly remember something like "oh ya, I took it off in the kitchen and left it on the stove while getting a drink of water before bed" or "I hung it over the shower door while brushing my teeth". But the epiphany never came. I knew I had to leave for work soon, so I tried searching for an old bra that doesn't make me look like I have 80 year old boobs. As I was getting dressed I called Erik and was going to leave him a nasty you're-so-not-funny-hiding-my-bra,-you're-definitely-in-big-trouble-and-will-be-hearing-about-this-when-i-get-home-because-now-I'm-going-to-be-late-for-work message, when i opened my closet door to put my shoes on and saw my bra sitting there on the top of all of my shoes. I have no idea how it got there, but finding my bra was worth being late for work by 5 minutes.

someone should put me in diapers

2010-06-13T19:27:00.000-07:00

So I am 9 1/2 weeks along now, and definitely feeling it. Lately I have been having a really hard time sleeping. I get super uncomfortable, tossing and turning. I am usually a stomach sleeper, but now it feels like someone is poking me in the stomach every time I roll onto my stomach. I usually wake up for hours at a time and can't fall back asleep. So my doctor prescribed me some anti-nausea medicine that makes me super drowsy so I can sleep better at night. Well Wednesday night was the first night I took it, and I slept like a baby. It was amazing. I fell asleep right away and never woke up once. At about 7 o clock in the morning I had a strange dream that I was going to the bathroom. The only weird thing about my dream was that I could not figure out why gravity wasn't working, because instead of my pee stream going into the toilet, it was running up my back. I was seriously confused until I woke up and realized I wet the bed! Usually my body wakes me a up at least once a night to go to the bathroom, but my medicine knocked me out so much I didn't even wake to know I had to pee! Thank goodness Erik was already at work because if he was home he would have freaked. When I told him I wet the bed that morning he laughed at me for so long and still won't let me live it down.

Last Thursday I had another ultra sound and it was so cool! Our little baby was waving to us as if it knew that we were looking at it. We also heard the heartbeat! I didn't think we would be able to at 9 weeks so I was so surprised when she turned it on. I definitely cried. It made being pregnant so much more real to me. I really feel like there is something growing inside of me now. It's such a scary/good feeling knowing that my baby is 100% dependent on me. I already feel like I'm bonding with my baby! Erik and I always try and think of what it will be. Erik wants a boy (of course) and I obviously want a girl. I have a feeling it will be a boy though, and the heartbeat was a bit faster (174) so i think it will be a boy. We won't find out for a while though! Here is the video of my ultra sound that Erik took, enjoy!

Beachin', Again

2010-06-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

We went to the beach again this past weekend, except this time we brought along some good friends of ours.

Taking the ferry to Balboa Island

Us with Amber's cute headband.

Of course we had to ride bikes.

A hottie on Balboa Island. Later at that exact spot an old guy gave us the birdie. Thanks.

The "Epic Burrito" equals dinner plus breakfast

Amber flew home the next day to go to one of her BFF, Karissa Jarvis' Endowment session.

Ha get it?

Amber forgot her hat, score.

Something is very wrong with this picture...

Beach fire time

We showed up with NO wood, lighter fluid, food, anything, but ended up bumming everything off very generous people.

Thank you trash can.

We also found some perfect working kites in the trash. So we used them and then took them with us. And yes we totally felt like bums.

Newport Beach Temple. Beautiful.

Above the front door.

Sad and awkward with out Amber.

Bonus: Part of Amber's sister Aubrey's graduation present. Hubba-hubba.

Ruby

2010-06-08T10:20:00.000-07:00

Until Jümey is born, our niece Ruby has title of Cutest Baby In The World. Seriously though, She is THE cutest baby on Earth.

Beachin'

2010-05-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

Coverin'

Ridin'

Hikin'

Buyin'

Beardin'

Shooting it up in the desert.

shove it in and twist

2010-05-13T15:20:00.000-07:00

For the second time this week, I had some stranger shove some unnatural tool up my tunnel. This time, it was painful. I went to have my ultrasound this morning, and it was so cool! Everyone always says the jelly they put on your stomach is super cold but whatever they put on me was actually really hot. After a few minutes of her looking around on the surface, she decided to go under the sea, where she then pulls out this tool that looked like it was 2 feet long, told me it was going to be a little cold and then just shoved it in there, with no warning whatsoever! And then she started twisting it around as if she was trying to make butter or dig something out of me. I was afraid that thing was going to get lodged in my ribs it felt so high in there! She showed us the sac the baby sits in and it looked like a black hole. When we saw that there was no child in there we thought that maybe it got sucked into the black hole never to return again. But no, it was there. It's just the size of a poppyseed so we couldn't see it. Which means I'm about 4 weeks and 5 days along. Way off from the 8 weeks we thought I was! (remember the period mishaps?). But that's ok I am still so excited about it! And hopefully I won't have to have any other odd object shoved up me for awhile because I'm still walking like I just rode a horse.

shove it in and crank

2010-05-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my first doctor's appointment and guess what? I didn't dream it, I really am pregnant. I was super nervous at first because I knew they were going to have to do a (in the proper way) "well woman exam", which I have never had before! I heard so many things like "take tylenol before you go!" and "it hurts so bad just try not to think about it", and my personal favorite "once you get past the thought that they just shove it in and crank you'll be just fine". Let me tell you this much, people are babies because that was not that bad at all (even though my mom held my hand!). I am also super excited because I get to have my first ultrasound tomorrow to find a more accurate due date because they weren't really sure how far a long I was. They said that all we'll most likely see is a circle with a dot in the middle but I'm still excited to see our little embryo! Even though its possibly the size of a pea, it feels like an orange in there, especially when I sleep. But right now my new craving is bagels. Bagels. Bagels. Bagels. All I want is bagels. And more string cheese for me please. Hopefully we'll be able to tell how far a long I am tomorrow, and then we'll keep you guys posted. Hope you're enjoying your Wednesday!

Karma

2010-05-08T17:12:00.000-07:00

Remember back on April Fool's how we played a trick on my family that we were pregnant? Well last Wednesday we did it again....but for real this time!! That's right, we really are pregnant! To prove it to you, here's my pee stick:

We had to show that to both our family and our friends until they finally believed us. There's a little confusion as to how far along I am (period mishaps) and so the math says I'm a little over 7 weeks, but I don't think I'm quite that far along. But I'll let you know as soon as I do! Of course Erik wants a boy, and I obviously want a girl, but it will be a while until we know. Although I've already had a dream that it will be a boy but I don't know how accurate those are. Even though I haven't thrown up yet I feel like it every second of the day. I had heartburn for the first time in my life the other day and I honestly thought I was going to die! But I feel as if I've gained like 20 pounds and I already tie a ponytail through my jeans because they are getting too small (but no baby bump yet!). All I want is chocolate milk, ravioli, spinach and artichoke dip, and cheese. It's crazy how excited we are! It was planned and we could not be more stoked! I'm due around the middle of December, but no date is for sure yet. Now I'll definitely have to keep up with the blog to give you updates of how Baby Payne is doing!