Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I can remember the day Jude was born so vividly.  I remember feeling so relieved when my doctor walked in.  Even though she is on the shorter side I was still able to keep eye contact with her through the valley that was created as my legs were in the stirups.  Her smile brought such comfort as I pushed and pushed waiting for the arrival of My Babe.  I remember distinctly Erik getting so excited as his head was coming out, with tears in his eyes telling me he had a lot of hair.  The nurse counting right in my ear 1...2...3...4...she was so calm and consistent it brought me peace.  I remember hearing noise, lots of noise.  People crying, taking photos, giving me hugs and congratulations...but all I could hear was my baby boy crying as Erik was cutting the umbilical cord. And then they put him on my lap and everything went silent.  The room turned white and it was Jude and I.  I could feel it in that moment that the Earth moved.  Angels were among us, and Jude looked at me as if to say "It's okay mommy, I brought them here to help you. To be with you and daddy".  It was such a spiritual experience and everyone in the room knew that the world was never going to be the same.

I knew in that moment that he was going to change the world.  You're probably wondering why I am bringing this up now.  I'm not sure myself, but I don't think I did his birth story justice.  I was an emotional wreck, it was the week of Christmas and I wanted to let everyone know he was here.  But I have been thinking back a lot on that day, and it was so much more special than I remember sometimes.  Even after they took us to our next room, and we knew something was different about him I held him in my arms as if he was everything normal.  And to be honest, he is everything normal.  He has a different genetic make up than you and I, but I would say he is more normal and will turn out more normal that a lot of people.  Who are we to say that he won't?  Some may think I am biased and I probably am. But every morning when I hear those soft coos through the monitor I can't wait to get in there to see the first smiles of the day, knowing they are at me.  I pick him up and he laughs and I think to myself, "My son is special.  My son is amazing".  And every time I do that, the Earth moves again.  Sometimes a small shudder, and sometimes earthquake potential.  He may not change the entire world, but every day my world is changed just by the love he shares.

(Picture taken after we got home from our trip to California. 10 points to whoever can guess what movie we were watching)

Every day I get to see his smile, hear his laughs, feel his kisses.  I get to sooth his cries, sing him to sleep, and continue loving him with everything my heart has.  He takes away my depression, calms my anxieties, and fills me with a greater peace than anyone I know.  My life may be the only one that is changed as of now, but I know it won't be the last life he will change.

So as I go through my hard times, my trials, and my stresses of inadequacy and being a first time mom, I cling to my own little bundle knowing that he brings angels into my life every day.  He knows me so well and he knows what I need.  (It's amazing as I talk about how much joy my son brings me, I am describing many qualities of the Savior.  You can truly see the Savior's countenance through Jude).

As I write this I make a goal to look back on that beautiful day more often.  It was one of the happiest days of my life and I know that Jude will bring much more happiness in the years to come.

So I raise my glass and say "Cheers", hoping that others will see the beauty that I see in him every day.

P.S. My favorite picture this week:

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Lazy Suck

I am a lazy suck. Seriously, a lazy suck.  Erik came up with that phrase when he once saw a man on the side of the road sitting in a wagon being pulled by his dogs.  Aka, a lazy suck.  I feel so bad for not blogging and I often thought to myself "I should totally blog about this". But as you can see that didn't exactly happen.  Well my friends, today is your lucky day.  I have a good post planned out for you, nice and long.

Some of our favorite things to do this summer are:

*Eat! Jude started eating baby food recently, and he LOVES it!  He eats it like there is no tomorrow.

As much as I try to keep him clean, he is pretty good at getting it everywhere.  It's gotten down to stripping him down to his diaper and letting him be free!  (That was the first time I fed him, he looks a little more excited about the food when I feed him now)

*Swimming.  Jude is indifferent towards the water, he doesn't really seem to see what the big deal is.  Once he gets used to it he turns into the monkey with the symbols and can't stop clapping.

*Folding laundry.  Random I know, but he loves it.  We zoom him around the house all the time as he rolls around in the basket.

*Watching movies.  Baby Einstein is the best thing that every happened to him. He has sat there for over an hour watching the same one over and over and he never gets tired of it.  He knows exactly the parts that make him laugh, and he knows when the boring parts are.  But everytime we put it on he is so enthralled and acts like he has never seen it before.

(Dinner and a movie?)

This is how we watch movies the Payne way.  No we do not sleep on a mattress in our living room. We drug our mattress out from our bedroom and watched the movie on that.  Why not be comfy?

Jude fell asleep about 10 minutes into the movie.  Erik and I feel asleep about an hour later, and the 3 of us slept the whole night on our mattress in our living room.  It was actually one of the best nights all summer.

Erik and I also went with some friends to California last weekend.  We wanted one last hoorah together before school starts and things get busy.  It was the first time we have left Jude for longer than a few hours.  He stayed at my parents house and it was honestly one of the hardest things.  I definitely cried when we dropped him off, and I didn't stop thinking about him the whole time.  But we had a great time and it was good for us to leave Jude for a period of time.

It started out as a great weekend, and just 2 hours into the drive we came across not 1, but 2 flat tires.

We were on the side of the highway for about an hour trying to figure out what to do because we obviously only had one spare.  We then drove 20 miles at about 50 mph on one of the tires that was going flat until we made it into Quartzite.

After another hour and paying an arm and a leg later we were on the road again!

Every morning we got breakfast at the best little cafe ever.  Seaside Bakery has the most amazing chocolate croissants on the planet.  I think we could have eaten only there and been fine.

Erik loves loves loves the beach.  He would probably sleep right there on the sand every night if we lived in California.  He can never get enough of it and he's like a little school boy everytime we go.

We love to ride bikes everytime we are in Newport Beach.  Something about the endless ocean on one side of you and feeling the sea breeze for miles.  With music in your basket and friends at your side there is nothing that can go wrong.

Taking the ferry to Balboa Island.  Just a few minutes long but totally worth it.

You're probably wondering who the 5th wheel is in every picture.  We had planned the trip with 3 couples, but a few months ago we found out that Jesse's wife is pregnant (YAY!). She really wanted to go, but she was just too sick to make the trip.  Jesse decided to go without her anyway, and I think she was a bit excited to get him out of the house (we missed you Michelle!).  In the end he wasn't a 5th wheel at all.  We all had a great time.

Kenzie and I eating our Balboa bars. Gotta get one!

While on our bikeride we came across two gems that were just absolutely amazing.  The first not as much as the second, but still worth putting on the blog.  No, me with my thumbs up is not the amazing part.  Check out Granny in the back.  She was this close to falling out.

**********PARENTAL ADVISORY****************
(The next image is not suitable for children)

And then the beauty came.  We were just minding our own business on our bikes, and along he came.  Our lives were never the same.
Did your eyes just pop out of your head? Because ours did.

Huntington Beach

 Beautiful sunset.  We can never get enough of it.

Even after we blew the third tire, we still had a great time.  In the end it was great to get away for the weekend and spend time together.