Tuesday, July 26, 2011


I can remember the day Jude was born so vividly.  I remember feeling so relieved when my doctor walked in.  Even though she is on the shorter side I was still able to keep eye contact with her through the valley that was created as my legs were in the stirups.  Her smile brought such comfort as I pushed and pushed waiting for the arrival of My Babe.  I remember distinctly Erik getting so excited as his head was coming out, with tears in his eyes telling me he had a lot of hair.  The nurse counting right in my ear 1...2...3...4...she was so calm and consistent it brought me peace.  I remember hearing noise, lots of noise.  People crying, taking photos, giving me hugs and congratulations...but all I could hear was my baby boy crying as Erik was cutting the umbilical cord. And then they put him on my lap and everything went silent.  The room turned white and it was Jude and I.  I could feel it in that moment that the Earth moved.  Angels were among us, and Jude looked at me as if to say "It's okay mommy, I brought them here to help you. To be with you and daddy".  It was such a spiritual experience and everyone in the room knew that the world was never going to be the same.




I knew in that moment that he was going to change the world.  You're probably wondering why I am bringing this up now.  I'm not sure myself, but I don't think I did his birth story justice.  I was an emotional wreck, it was the week of Christmas and I wanted to let everyone know he was here.  But I have been thinking back a lot on that day, and it was so much more special than I remember sometimes.  Even after they took us to our next room, and we knew something was different about him I held him in my arms as if he was everything normal.  And to be honest, he is everything normal.  He has a different genetic make up than you and I, but I would say he is more normal and will turn out more normal that a lot of people.  Who are we to say that he won't?  Some may think I am biased and I probably am. But every morning when I hear those soft coos through the monitor I can't wait to get in there to see the first smiles of the day, knowing they are at me.  I pick him up and he laughs and I think to myself, "My son is special.  My son is amazing".  And every time I do that, the Earth moves again.  Sometimes a small shudder, and sometimes earthquake potential.  He may not change the entire world, but every day my world is changed just by the love he shares.

(Picture taken after we got home from our trip to California. 10 points to whoever can guess what movie we were watching)

Every day I get to see his smile, hear his laughs, feel his kisses.  I get to sooth his cries, sing him to sleep, and continue loving him with everything my heart has.  He takes away my depression, calms my anxieties, and fills me with a greater peace than anyone I know.  My life may be the only one that is changed as of now, but I know it won't be the last life he will change.

So as I go through my hard times, my trials, and my stresses of inadequacy and being a first time mom, I cling to my own little bundle knowing that he brings angels into my life every day.  He knows me so well and he knows what I need.  (It's amazing as I talk about how much joy my son brings me, I am describing many qualities of the Savior.  You can truly see the Savior's countenance through Jude).

As I write this I make a goal to look back on that beautiful day more often.  It was one of the happiest days of my life and I know that Jude will bring much more happiness in the years to come.


So I raise my glass and say "Cheers", hoping that others will see the beauty that I see in him every day.

P.S. My favorite picture this week:

5 comments:

Esther Grubbs said...

Harry Potter!! Your son is precious.

Kylie said...

Amber, I was *this* close to crying as I read this post. You are an amazing momma to little Jude... He's lucky for sure!

Barry and Karissa said...

Amber you are amazing!! Your family is so adorable.

PS It is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.

Unknown said...

This is such a sweet post! Jude is so lucky to have you as his Momma. He is very special little man!

Jacob and Sara said...

Ummm I love this post so much... Jude is the most precious lil boy to ever come to this earth. & you and Eric are hands down the most adorable parents I've ever seen and its so evident your overwhelming amount of love for him. I love your lil family so much and it makes me so excited for a new addition to mine! You are amazing Amber.