Hey Jude

After a crazy day on Sunday, our Jude Man is finally here! Be prepared for a very long post (sorry) with a lot of pictures.  I want to make sure I document everything before I forget the details, and after this week I just might forget it all.

I went to my 36 week doctor's appointment last Wednesday, December 15th.  I was dilated to a 1 and 50% effaced, so I was right on.  My blood pressure was a little high, and Dr. B told me I could be having him the week of Christmas if it kept up this way. I just looked at her and said "You do realize Christmas week is next week right?" She just laughed and said we would have to see what it was at after I had some additional blood work done, and after my next doctor's appointment which was supposed to be on Tuesday the 21st.
Last Saturday my mom, sisters and I had a bake day.  We have bake day during Christmas time every year. I wasn't really feeling good all day and hardly contributed to the baking, I was mainly there to stir and chop as I sat in the same chair the whole time.  It was hard for me to move, and I felt like I had a bowling ball between my legs the whole day.  I was having a few Braxton Hicks, but I've been having those for a few weeks so I didn't think anything of it.  I just assumed I was doing too much and I was feeling the "I'm 8 months pregnant and just want this to be over" symptoms.

That night as Erik and I were watching Anchorman with some friends I felt like I had to pee every 10 minutes, as opposed to every 20 minutes.  I kept feeling something wet "down there", but it didn't seem like pee to me.  I was half asleep during all of this so once again I didn't think much of it.  I got into bed about 1:00 that night, and at about 3:30 I woke up having really bad Braxton Hicks again.  After about half an hour of having them as I was asleep, I realized that they were coming about every 5 minutes, and they were a lot stronger than the normal Braxton Hicks I usually have.  I started keeping track of when they were coming and how long, and after an hour of having them every 4.5-5 minutes for a minute to a minute and half, I decided maybe I should call my doctor.  I kept feeling a "drip drip drip" down there too, and the only thing I could think of was my water breaking.  Erik immediately jumped up and starting packing our hospital bag and trying to straighten up the house.  I had planned on packing our bag on Sunday afternoon and cleaning the house Monday, but obviously that was a few days too late.  After another hour and a half we were told to go down to the hospital, this might be it!

We walked in around 6:30 ish, they checked me out and said yes my water was leaking and I was dilated to a 2.  They decided to admit me around 7, and at this time I had been having contractions for a few hours and to be honest, it was horrible.  Around 8:30 I was in so much pain, they checked me again and I had dilated to a 4 so they decided to give me the epidural (finally!).  The epidural was the BEST thing that had ever happened to me in that moment.  It was not that painful at all.  The contractions were waaaay worse than the epidural by far. 

(Me right before the epidural. 5 1/2 hours is way too long for contractions)

I had planned on getting a pedicure before I was due, which was supposed to be in January.  That didn't happen and my feet were horrible.  So of course there was no way my mom would let my legs into those stirrups with my toes looking the way they did.  She is so good to me, she pampered me after I had my epidural and painted my toe nails:

and braided my hair:



Around 11 o'clock they checked me again and I was dilated to an 8.5, almost a 9.  I was going so fast, it seems like such a blur looking back.  At noon they checked again, and I was dilated to a 10, it was time! It had nothing at all to do with my blood pressure, Jude just decided it was time to come out and made sure that was going to happen. 

I started pushing around 12:20 and at about 12:30 the nurse had me stop because he was basically out and Dr. B wasn't there yet.  I started pushing again at 12:35, and at 12:40 he was out! They could not believe how fast it was, and I was pretty grateful that it didn't last that long. 

Jude Patrick Payne

6 pounds 9 ounces

20 inches long

12:40 pm



While I was pushing Erik was so good and stood by my side the whole time.  He loves stuff like this, and he thought the whole thing was so cool!

(him watching as Jude was born)

Erik and I with our favorite man Jude right after they handed him to me.



After our family left the room, the pediatrician came to have a look at him because he was born at 36.5 weeks and considered a preemie.  My OB Dr. B was still there, and as I held my precious baby in my arms, we were told that Jude was showing some mild signs of Down syndrome.  He has a crease in his hands, he has a thick tongue, he seemed floppy.  To me it didn't seem like enough to make one suspicious, but I'm also not a doctor.  A million thoughts and questions immediately filled my mind, and the next few hours and days seem to be a blur.  They had to draw blood for the test that will see whether or not he is.  He had an echo done and it came back perfect.  My baby has a perfect heart, which is always a good sign. 

The next day he was admitted to the NICU because he wasn't eating enough.  We had tried breast feeding the first day and night and he just wasn't getting enough to eat because he was too exhausted for his bottle after trying to breast feed. He is still there today and will probably be there through Christmas.  They said all of this is because he was born premature, and he would be there even if he wasn't showing signs of Down syndrome.

His feedings have been getting better, he is increasing his intake every day.  We started breastfeeding today and he has latched a few times which is better than what they were expecting. 

Yesterday as I was sitting in the hospital room in between his feedings, the doctor came in and I knew she had the results.  I held my breath as she looked down at her paper and said "Mrs. Payne, the test came back positive. Jude has Down syndrome".

I had been preparing myself all week for this answer.  After they said he might show signs of it, I saw it in him.  I looked at him and I knew I was seeing something special.  Everyone looks at their newborn child and will see some spectaculiar, but I look at Jude and see something so beyond that.  He is so perfect, so celestial.  So when she said that, it did not come as a shock at all.

Most people ask how I'm coping and how I'm taking it.  If I'm sad or angry.  The answer to all of those questions is I am overwhelmed, but handling. In no way am I mad, sad, angry or depressed.  Yes I have spent a lot of my time crying but only because he is still in the NICU and I just want to take him home with me.  I cried when they had to put a feeding tube in through his nose.  I cry because I feel so beyond blessed and honored to be chosen to raise one of the Lord's choicest spirits.  I am a natural weeper and I'm feeling pregnancy hormones which naturally brings on the tears.  I have felt the hand of the Lord so much this week.  I know that he brought Jude to me because he knows that is what I need.  He has touched my heart in the 4 days he has been here in a way I have never felt before.  

Erik has been such a great dad so far, and he has been such an amazing husband.  He has held me everytime I cried and has given me so much support.  Jude loves his daddy so much, and there have been times when I just can't get him to eat and when he hears Erik's voice is when he perks up and will finish eating. 

Tonight is the first night I haven't been able to sleep at the hospital.  It has been so weird leaving the hospital without him but I know that he is in good hands and that is where he needs to be right now.  I have had the most amazing nurses that have helped me so much in my stay at the hospital.  Heather, Marci, Cindy, and Melanie were all so good to me and were exactly what I needed.  I only had a problem with one of Jude's nurses.  I felt like a crazy demanding mom when I actually asked if I could have them change the nurse so we no longer had the one that was assigned to us, but I figured that since Erik had to ask her to stop texting so she could help Jude stop choking on his feeding tube it was pretty justified.  Other than that I have loved Margaret, Christine, Sonia, Stephanie and Brandi.  Especially Brandi.  She has sat by my side every time I have fed Jude.  She has helped me feed him when he just didn't want to take his bottle.  She has given me advice as a nurse, a mother, and as a friend.  She held me as I cried after she put the feeding tube in.  She reassured me when I said I didn't know how I was going to be able to take care of him when I took him home.

I will keep you updated on what happens with my Jude Man.  I know that he will touch so many lives in the years to come.  He has already changed me just by being here.  I am so happy to be his mommy!